So Good

“I am happy. I’m really happy, Dad. And I’m happy for you.” He gave me another smile but it was sad.

“You’ve just been through a lot. Losing your mother, dealing with your old man dating a woman close to your age, worrying about if we’d lose the house or not.” He cleared his throat as if he were uncomfortable talking about this. “I felt a lot of shame and guilt.”

I was the one shaking my head now. “You never have to feel those things. I’m happy for you and Cora. I’m glad you found a job. I had no doubt that things would work out.”

“Yeah, and it’s partly thanks to Matthew. He stepped up. Manned up. He helped me when I was down and had no one to turn to. He didn’t give me shit for being with Cora, didn’t judge me for the age gap. But I guess I couldn’t see past everything … him being my step-brother, the age difference between the two of you.” He sighed again. “Him being with my daughter. I just couldn’t see past any of it.”

I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to smooth things out, and although I could see my father had come to terms with it all, I wanted us to be back to where we had been before.

So I stepped up to him, just a foot from him now, and wrapped my arms around his waist to give him a hug. In that moment, I felt like a little girl, looking up at my father because he held the world in his hands.

He wrapped his arms around me and just held me, and I closed my eyes and let everything else drift away.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” he whispered against my hair and I smiled.

“I’m glad we’re both happy.”

He kissed the crown of my head again. “It won’t be easy though,” he said again. “People won’t be kind.”

I pulled back and looked up at him. “I know.” He pushed some of my hair away from my cheek. “But you’re strong, like your mother was. She didn’t take crap from anyone. And if they give you shit, you give them shit right back.” I chuckled. “You love him and he loves you, and that’s all a father can want for his daughter.”

He pulled me in for another hug and it was nice, comforting, and it gave me hope that everything would be fine.

* * *

I looked up to see my dad by the grill, a roll of hotdogs placed on the grate, the sound and scent of sizzling meat filling the air.

Cora was standing by Georgia, and Charlie was beside her. It was just a little get together, one my father had organized, which surprised the hell out of me.

He’d never been one for gatherings, but there were a lot of things I’d noticed changing in him and his newfound happiness.

Over the last few weeks, Cora had been a steady constant in our lives, and I couldn’t deny that I loved seeing her with my father. It was clear he made her happy and she him. He seemed younger, more full of life when she was here.

I felt the heavy weight of hands gently land on my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. I tipped my head back to see Matthew standing there, looking down at me with a smile on his face. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes, loving that we could show this small affection in front of everybody and not have to feel shame about it or worry about judgment.

I wished he’d really kiss me, place his lips on mine, a kiss that would have my toes curling. But he didn’t like showing affection in front of my father, even if he was okay with our relationship.

And I understood Matthew’s hesitancy.

He sat down beside me and slipped his hand in mine, bringing our conjoined hands to rest on his lap. We said nothing as we just watched the four other people at the bbq.

“I haven’t seen Stephan this happy since he was with your mom,” Matthew finally said softly and I looked over at him.

Although I was very young when my mother passed away, I did have some memories of her and my father together. The way she’d smile at him, the fact he always wanted to hold her hand when we were out in public. But when she’d passed away, I saw a part of my father die right along with her. Then Cora came along, and she breathed new life into him, made him seem like a younger man. And I loved it. I loved her for that.

“Is this weird?” Matthew asked and I looked at him beside me.

I smiled and shook my head. “Honestly, it feels right.” It felt like this was how it always should have been. “What do you think?” I asked and looked over at Matthew.