“He wanted to spend Christmas with you?”
Edward shook his head. “He went to Mustique at Christmas with his mistress du jour. He just hated Mum and didn’t want to do anything nice for her. It wasn’t just that. Antonio didn’t want me at his house, really. He just wanted Mum.”
“That must have been hard....”
He shrugged. “When I was fourteen, Mum had a new baby. She was so busy, and so far away. She quit phoning, or sending letters. It was easier just to leave me behind.” He barked out a laugh. “It all happened long ago. But I wish Mum had told me from the beginning how it would be.” He looked out toward the lead-paned windows, bright with afternoon sunlight. “Rather than letting me wait. Letting me hope.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, despising all the selfish adults who’d hurt him as a child. “Who took care of you?”
“The household staff. Mrs. MacWhirter, mostly. The gardener, too. But not for long. At twelve I went to boarding school.”
“Twelve?” I sputtered.
“It was good for me. Built character and all that.” He sighed. “I used to get homesick for Cornwall. I’d daydream about hitchhiking back here so the old gardener could take me out fishing. He also taught me how to catch a ball, tie a reef knot. Old Gavin was great.”
“You called him Old—to his face?”
“Everyone did. To distinguish him from his son. Young Gavin.” He sighed. “But his children had grown and moved away to find jobs, and Old Gavin missed his grandchildren. I promised if he’d just wait, when I grew up I’d create a factory near Penryth Hall that built things for adventures, so there’d be plenty of jobs for everyone. All he had to do was stay.”
“Things for adventures?” I queried.
“Blow darts and slingshots and canoes. Come on, I was ten.”
“Did you ever do it? Create the factory?”
“No.” He looked away. “Old Gavin emigrated to Canada, to be with his daughter. A few months after that, I was at boarding school. He didn’t keep his promise. I don’t have to keep mine.”
“Oh, Edward...” I tried to reach for his hand. But he wouldn’t accept either my hand or my sympathy.
“It’s fine,” he said roughly. “I was lucky. I’ve learned not to count on people. Or make promises I can’t keep.”
Mrs. MacWhirter came bustling noisily into the room, followed by a maid, both of them carrying trays. As they set down china cups and napkins and solid silver utensils, Edward smiled at the housekeeper. I realized that the older woman, gruff as she could be, was the closest to family he had. She poured Edward’s black tea and my coffee, set down our plates and left us.
I looked down hungrily at my breakfast, with eggs, toast, beans and grilled tomato, and a type of bacon that tasted like ham. I loved it all. I slathered the buttered toast with marmalade, then took a delicious crunchy bite. We ate in silence, sitting together near the fire. Then our eyes met.
“I don’t blame you for never wanting to depend on anyone,” I said softly. “Why would you? People lie, or love someone else, or move to Canada. People leave you, even if they don’t want to. Even if they love you.” I paused. “People die.”
For a moment, the only sound was the crackling of the fire. He stared at me. “You’re not going to argue with me?”
I shook my head.
“I’m surprised,” he said gruffly, watching me. “Most women accuse me of having no heart.”
I thought of my kindhearted father, a professor, who’d died suddenly in an accident when I was in third grade, and my mother, who’d filled my life with roses and sunshine before her long, agonizing decline. They’d never have chosen to leave me, or each other. But they’d had no choice. In spite of their fervent promises. “Maybe you’re right,” I said in a small voice, looking down at my plate. “Maybe promises are worthless. All we have is today.”