Seeing the spark dance across the ring, Zane realized his throat was tight, and he had to swallow twice to rid himself of the feeling as he blinked hard against prickling in his eyes. His chest felt like it had a lead weight on it, and Zane squeezed his eyes shut. It hurt, that feeling, that weight and tension, and he couldn"t deal with it right now. He didn"t want to hurt like that when he looked at Ty.
Reopening his eyes, Zane reached up with one hand to touch Ty"s cheek. “Okay?” he rasped.
Ty groaned softly in response. “Remind me not to provoke you often,” he joked wryly.
Zane chuckled, letting his hand splay over Ty"s pec. “I suppose you do need to walk occasionally.”
Ty moved his hand to rest it over Zane"s, his fingers curling around Zane"s palm. He hadn"t opened his eyes yet. He seemed content to lie there with Zane and hold his hand. Zane had been about to pull away long enough to get rid of the condom, but he was loath to let go when Ty was so amenable. He felt their rings lightly knock together. At that moment it made him want things he knew he couldn"t have and shouldn"t want, but Zane squeezed Ty"s fingers gently anyway.
“Zane,” Ty finally said in a low voice. He hadn"t moved, but his eyes were open, staring at the ceiling. Zane hummed softly in question.
Ty remained silent for a moment, apparently mulling it over before he finally asked, “Any reason why we couldn"t just ditch the condoms from now on?”
Surprise streaked through Zane so quickly that he caught his breath, and he had to force himself to resume breathing normally. He would never have guessed that question would come out of Ty"s mouth at this moment, especially considering how closely it resembled Zane"s half-formed desires. “No,” he answered, his voice low and quieter than he expected to hear. “No reason we couldn"t,” he clarified.
He felt more than saw the movement beside him as Ty turned his head to look at him. Ty didn"t say anything else. He just seemed to be either examining Zane for further reaction or pondering what to say next. With Ty he just never knew.
The silence around them seemed to roar in Zane"s ears, but it might have been the waves outside. He pulled his hand free of Ty"s and gently pressed his fingertips to Ty"s lips. Zane knew full well he"d committed himself to Ty months and months ago, even when Ty was still carrying on with barmaids in Baltimore. He"d never faced such an obvious statement of that commitment from Ty, though, even after Ty had flat out told him he wanted to be with him. It made Zane wonder what exactly Ty was thinking. His eyes were hard to read, and he didn"t try to speak with Zane"s fingers over his mouth. But Zane could see the corners of his lips twitching into the beginnings of a crooked smile.
Zane lifted his fingers and laid his palm against Ty"s cheek as he mentally skimmed through several responses, discarding some as too intimate to bear, others too much of a joke. “You ask because…?”
Ty tilted his head slightly, his eyes not leaving Zane"s as he considered the question. “Because there hasn"t been anyone but you in a long time. And I don"t think there will be,” he answered bluntly.
There wasn"t any reason to play around, not when Ty was being so blatantly honest. “Good,” Zane whispered, his thumb brushing Ty"s bottom lip. “I"ve… felt that way… for a while now,” he admitted haltingly.
Ty"s crooked smile grew, and he nodded. “I know.”
Zane wrinkled his nose and lowered his eyes, a little bit of embarrassment tickling at him. He hadn"t thought he was that easy to read. Ty"s fingers brushed over his wrist, sliding up his arm slowly, but Ty remained conspicuously silent. Zane looked up again, trying to let the nerves go. If there was anyone he should be comfortable with, truly be himself with, it was Ty. As their eyes met, he nodded, acknowledging that Ty knew him pretty damn well. He knew the good and the bad.
Ty was still smiling at him, but it was a gentle smile that was unusual for his partner. There was no trace of a tease, no joke in his eyes. He was as serious as Zane had ever imagined him being, but there was also a softness to him right then, a gentle tenderness that, combined with his sincerity, made Zane"s pulse pick up a little. He moved his hand back to cover Ty"s on Ty"s chest. Zane couldn"t think of anything to say, anything that wouldn"t ruin the mood. So instead he leaned in to press his lips gently to Ty"s.
Ty slid his hand up Zane"s shoulder and hugged him close as they kissed. When it ended, he was still smiling warmly, his hand on the back of Zane"s neck. “Go clean up,” he ordered gruffly, a smirk curling his lips as his hazel eyes shined with renewed mischief.
Zane kissed him again quickly before he sat up and moved to the precariously curved edge of the bed with a groan. He rubbed his hands over his face as his head whirled. That kiss was so damn… much. Zane sighed and stood, slowly stretching his arms up in the air and bowing his back before he let his arms flop back down. He pulled off the condom and padded toward the bathroom, glancing toward Ty as he crossed the room.
Ty had pushed himself up to sit in the bed. He was sitting cross-legged, his eyes closed and his head bowed as he ran a single finger across his eyebrow. His forehead was creased with worry lines, and he was almost imperceptibly rocking. Zane knew the signs of something weighing heavily on Ty"s mind. It made Zane"s stomach plummet as he entered the bathroom. He chucked the condom at the wastebasket and turned to head back to the bed, climbing onto the mattress and reaching out to touch.
Ty looked up at him critically. “That was not cleaning off,” he said with a laugh.
“What?” Zane said with a wave to his own body.
“You didn"t even bring me a towel! What kind of Romeo are you, huh?” Ty teased easily.
Zane frowned slightly, his hand pausing just short of Ty"s chest.
He wasn"t able to reconcile Ty"s quick shift of hidden emotions, and it bothered him. That frown he"d seen on Ty"s face bothered him. But he offered Ty a half a smile, pushed himself off the bed, and padded into the bathroom, where he turned on the light and looked at himself in the mirror as he rubbed his chest, trying to banish that tightness that was making it difficult to breathe. The worry lines on Ty"s forehead when he didn"t know Zane could see scared him. He was terrified that Ty would pull away from him if he knew how the possessiveness Zane felt was growing into a serious addiction. Zane knew how Ty felt about addictions.