For several seconds we stared at each other, our chests rising and falling in identical rhythm. The room around me faded. For that moment in time, only we existed.
Calm down. Get control. You’re no longer a confused, ignorant young girl.
“Zakai,” I said, relieved that my voice sounded steady. I pulled myself straight, raising my chin, clasping my hands in front of me to hide that they were trembling. “You look well.”
Well. That was an understatement. He’d always been beautiful, even as a shaggy, skinny, long-limbed teenager. But now. Now he was a man, standing before me in a fitted tux, his ebony hair combed back, highlighting the perfect lines of his face, those dark, thickly lashed eyes so much like my own, holding me captive, stealing my breath. I was hungry for him. Famished. And the flash of longing brought grief on its heels. I’d have to mourn again after this and though I still loved him, I hated him for it too.
He gave me a crooked smile. “It seems like forever since I’ve heard that name,” he murmured, pausing. “It’s nice to hear.” His gaze swept over me and in his eyes, I saw a similar hunger. “You look beautiful,” he said softly.
He moved closer and I was tempted to step backward, but I held my ground, even while half expecting him to spring the way he’d done the last time I’d seen him.
You can’t give in to him. It’ll hurt too much.
I forced my gaze from his, the reminder that I was standing in a crowded room of people causing me to jolt at the sudden flood of voices and movement. Zakai put his hands in his pockets and regarded me. Sadness entered his eyes, which shocked me momentarily. Zakai had never been one to reveal emotions like that, not so openly, even with me. I eyed him cautiously, caught off guard by both his presence and his manner.
“I heard you divorced,” he said.
My brow dipped. “I . . . it didn’t work out.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you?”
“No.”
I exhaled a gush of air. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, but this is an important night for me. I’ve been nominated for an award. If you’re here to ruin—”
“I’m not here to ruin your night. I’m proud of your success. You deserve tonight.”
I couldn’t help the small, bitter laugh that bubbled up my throat. “What do you know of my success?”
He shrugged and the ghost of a smile haunted his face, an apparition there and gone in the flutter of a blink. “More than you might think.”
“I’m surprised you have time to check in on me at all, considering the busy life you lead. All the travel . . . parties.” Giselle. “You really shouldn’t be bothered.”
A crease formed between his eyes and he took that full, sumptuous bottom lip between his teeth. Photographers from New York to Milan loved that look. I’d seen it sell a hundred products over the years. Once upon a time, that look had belonged to me and me alone.
“Your life, your happiness, it’s not a bother to me. It makes me happy.”
I swallowed, some of the fight draining from me. What was the point of this? “I . . . appreciate that. I want you to be happy too, Zakai. But please, let’s not do this again. You shouldn’t have come. We both know how this ends.”
He gave a slow, troubled nod, his eyes drinking me in.
A woman with a tray of champagne approached us, her smile dissolving at the apparently unwelcome expressions on our faces as we both turned her way. She inclined her tray. I took a glass but Zakai shook his head. “No, thank you,” he said. She nodded, and left us where we stood.
Zakai turned back to me. “Can we . . .” He looked around as though searching for somewhere more private.
I exhaled a breath, meeting the eyes of a woman I didn’t know gazing curiously at us, the woman beside her doing the same. Stares. I hadn’t liked them then and I didn’t like them now. “There’s a patio right out that door,” I murmured, walking past Zakai and toward the outside area. He followed me as I exited the ballroom, taking a deep breath of the mild spring air when we reached the small patio surrounded by newly budding trees. I focused on the tinkling sound of a fountain nearby. The brick paved area was deserted, as most of the guests were still eating dinner inside.
I set the full glass of champagne down on a nearby table, turning to Zakai and meeting his eyes in the dim light of the space. “Why did you come here? What do you want?” I whispered.
He moved toward me slowly, leaning a hip against the low wall that looked out upon the garden area. “Don’t you know?”