Just not to her.
* * *
AMY WORE THE COMPRESSION SLEEVE on her arm as she headed back to the kennel. T.J. and Luke walked beside her, leading Foxtrot.
“Not bad for his first lesson,” Luke said, offering the puppy another treat. “He got a full grip and didn’t let go.”
“He’s my star.” She held the door.
“That sleeve helps.” T.J. gave her covered arm a pat as he walked past. “I’m sorry Mark got called back when he did. The man deserved a proper thank you for a gift like that.”
“Shut up, T.J.,” Luke snapped. “I’ve come around to the idea of Amy and Mark together, but I don’t need a mental picture.”
Amy followed the brothers down the hall to the whelping room. “We’re not together. It’s over. Neither of you need to worry.”
She shrugged out of the sleeve while Luke led Foxtrot inside.
“Need help with that?” T.J. asked.
“No,” she said, setting it in the hall. “I’ll put it away later. Let’s head in and check on the others.”
“They’re probably still exhausted from their morning exercise,” T.J. said.
Amy worked alongside the brothers, petting the puppies and checking their water. In a few days, T.J. would return to his work at Lackland, and then a week later, Luke would leave. It would be just her and her dogs, which is exactly what she’d wanted.
“Amy, your personal life is none of my business,” T.J. said, kneeling in front of Rosie’s cage. The puppy had been moping ever since Mark’s departure. “But I noticed he spent the night in Jeremy and Gabe’s old room.”
“Is this what you do down at Lackland?” Luke demanded. “Gossip like a bunch of girls?”
“When I drove him to the airport this morning, Mark didn’t exactly seem happy with the way you left things,” T.J. added, ignoring his brother.
Amy’s hand froze midair, holding a tennis ball. “Did he say something?”
“Only that he doesn’t plan to return to Heart’s Landing,” T.J. said.
“Ever?” Luke asked.
T.J. stared at her. “Said there was nothing here for him.”
Amy looked away, releasing the ball. “He has a storage unit.”
“He’s planning to have the owner box it up and ship it to him,” T.J. replied.
The reality sank in. Mark wasn’t coming back to this town. And why should he? This place held nothing but bad memories for him.
But hearing T.J.’s words and recognizing the truth, it brought her close to tears. Never was a very long time. She’d been so afraid she would lose him on the battlefield, she hadn’t stopped to consider that if he simply walked away and never looked back, it would hurt just as much. The reality of never seeing him again, never holding him or hugging him again—it was like a physical wound.
“Amy, honey, I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” T.J. continued. “But I know for a fact that man cares for you.”
“He does,” she said, her voice wavering. “But knowing he cares—that is not enough. I can’t go back to the life I had.”
“Maybe this time would be different,” T.J. said. “Mark’s not a SEAL.”
“It doesn’t matter. For me, for the person waiting, his job or which branch of the military he serves in does not matter. When Mark goes out on a mission, his focus will be on saving that life. He’ll be 100 percent in the moment. And that soldier, civilian, whoever he saves, will be so fortunate he’s there. But if I said yes, if I agreed to wait for Mark, I would spend every day wondering if he’s safe. No matter how busy I am, I’ll never forget that he could die at any moment. I’ll keep going, working, paying the bills, moving through the motions of living, waiting for him to come home. But inside, fear will follow me everywhere.
“I can’t risk losing my sense of self, my independence and maybe the man I’m waiting for. You can’t possibly understand—”
“But I do.” Elizabeth Benton’s voice echoed against the whelping room’s cinder-block walls. “I know what it is like to be a military spouse and mother.”