I’d once been a very carefree well rounded girl. An only child who came from a loving family, who never knew want or need, or danger of any kind.
I had a mother who loved me and a father who was indulgent and adoring of his only child. Nothing could mar my world. The world of a thirteen year old on the cusp of adulthood who had a strong foundation and was allowed to dream big because there was never anything standing in her way.
I’d been blessed with everything a human being could ask for and had stood out among my peers because of not only my beauty, but the kindness of heart that only took a few minutes of knowing me to shine through.
Even those who out of jealousy or whatever teenage angst wanted to hate me, always found that they couldn’t, because I’d always made it a point to treat others the way I wished to be treated in return.
I’d enjoyed my family’s wealth and all it could give me, but I was humble enough not to need to make a constant show of all I had. I had more than enough friends both in life and on the net, and was a very busy child whose every moment seemed to be filled with some activity or another.
I was one of the rare children who had both parents at home and not only that. Whatever activity was being showcased at any given time, they could both be counted on to be there, cheering me on.
And then out of nowhere, seemingly overnight, it all changed. My adoring father suddenly became distant, not only with me, but with my mother as well.
It wasn’t too obvious in the beginning, just little things here and there. But when it became noticeable there was no ignoring it. Like an oversized elephant in the room.
Then the fights began. Long screaming matches that went on into the night and mostly ended with him slamming out the door and my mother crying alone in their room.
Fear was the first emotion I felt back then. Fear of the unknown. I wasn’t too young to know that something bad was happening, but I was too young to understand what that something could be.
How my once loving, always smiling father had turned to permanent scowls and a bad disposition whenever he had to spend any time at home.
And the mother who’d be in the kitchen on any given evening when I returned home from school with a tray of freshly baked cookies, was now more often than not shut away behind closed doors, too weak and depressed to leave her bed.
Then came the long weekends away from home. The father who had always been there was suddenly too busy to spare me a moment. My mother became more and more withdrawn.
Next came the whispers from the neighbors and even some of the kids at school. The story unfolded and only spread more fear. Divorce, that word was bandied about more and more as the weeks went by.
Piece by piece, little by little I started putting it all together. During the fights I’d sit outside their bedroom door, tears running down my face, my chest tight, as I listened to the world I knew unravel with harsh words.
My father was having an affair with a much younger woman. Mom had found out and confronted him, but instead of putting an end to it as she’d hoped, he’d instead been relieved that his secret was now out.
It made it much easier for him he said, that he no longer had to sneak and hide, and no, he had no plans on ending it. He was in love with this new woman and my mother’s feelings and apparently neither mine mattered one fig to him.
For weeks mom tried to live with the new reality in our home. She even joined the gym, got her hair done and took care of herself even more than she’d already been doing. It broke my heart to see her go through that.
To watch the once confident woman become a shell of herself. There was nothing wrong with my very attractive mother as far as I could see. Other people paid her compliments and men were always checking her out whenever we went out anywhere.
So why had my father fallen out of love with her and fallen for someone else? It was all too confusing for my young mind, but it was then I learned my distrust of the opposite sex, of love and all its trappings.
Something cold and dark was born in me during that horrible time and it only got worse when it all became too much for my mother, who lost her mind and was put in a mental institution when she tried to harm herself.