No matter how I’ve been entertaining the thought more and more since meeting him for the first time, I don’t want to stay here and be his wife and a mother to his children. Though wouldn’t that be poetic justice? And well deserved.
Nonetheless, it was never part of my plan. My intent was never to stick around after the deed was done, but to move on and finally let go of the past.
But as I got the girls out of their beds and took them from the room to go play, that niggling thought refused to leave me. Like a small kernel once planted that was fighting to grow. Would it really be so bad? Was it so horrible to dream? Or would that make me no better than her? No, it’s not the same.
My mother was never the scheming conniving bitch that she is, and did not deserve the hand that was dealt her. While Claudia more than deserved what she had coming to her. If anyone deserved a taste of their own bitter medicine it is she.
It would be so easy to run with that thought as justification. But no, once he finds out what I’d done, which he will if I hang around, there’s no doubt that he’d hate me.
That’s too bad, because he’s the only man who’s ever made my heart beat fast, or make me wish for things I know I cannot have. Things I dare not dream of.
Sydney
I’d closed myself off from life for so long that I never had time for such things as romantic relationships. I don’t trust them and think they’re just people’s way to keep from being lonely as they go through life.
In fact, after having a front row seat to the breakdown of my parents’ marriage and seeing what it had done to mom, I’ve learned to think of all men as nothing more than the weak beings they are. Just like my father.
I have an aversion to sex that was instilled in me in those days when I learned that that was the leading factor in my family’s downfall. As my aunt had put it, my father had followed his dick and brought a once flourishing family crashing down.
Those words had stuck with me and warped my young mind somewhat. My disgust for anything male had only grown with time as I heard more and more of what had caused my father, the man I’d always seen as a pillar of strength to do something so horrid.
I know better now of course, that not all men are weak, not all men cheat. But the damage had already been done. I’d hardened my heart against any romantic entanglements and anything resembling love. Until now!
Now I find my mind drifting more and more to Sebastian Fisher and not just as a mark or a means to an end as he’d started out to be. But, as something more desirable. Somehow I’ve started cutting him from the herd so to speak.
Now when I think of his eyes on me, or what it’s going to be like when I lure him to my bed, I get this strange fluttering between my thighs, my breasts start to tingle and I lose my breath.
Even now I have this silly urge to giggle because I know I’m going to be seeing him soon. I’ve never giggled a day in my life, but somehow it felt as though I have to fight not to let the smile in my heart break free.
I took the girls in to see him where he still sat in his study. For someone who was supposed to be taking the weekend off, he sure was working a lot.
I knew from the look he gave me that that’s not all he’d been doing. I pretended not to notice the way his eyes ran over my body, or the way the tic in his cheek pounded while his eyes got that steamy hooded look.
As the girls played and talked to him I sat off to the side feigning interest with a warm smile plastered on my face, all the while feeling the heat of his gaze and doing my best not to squirm.
When it became unbearable I lifted my head and looked at him, he didn’t look away. Had he been anyone else, I would’ve given him a come hither smile, but I knew I was playing a dangerous game and now was not the time to change the plan.
So instead I dropped my head quickly, keeping in character with the shy reserved girl on summer break from college who was studying child psychology and was using this job and others like it as a way to gain some insight.
That’s the story I’d told when I applied for the job, and it was partially true. I am studying child psychology, but what would he say if he knew that the only reason I did that is because from the moment I knew of his children’s birth, I’ve had this plan forming in my head?