“One of my station does not become angry with someone like you,” I replied. “It was probably one of the first lessons I ever learned in life.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Princess Whitney and I were young, and she would do something to me out of anger…” I stopped because anything else I said would have been against her.
“Alexandra, why won’t you tell me?”
“Is it not obvious?”
“No, it is not!” He growled under his breath. “If it were obvious, I wouldn’t be asking you!”
“I cannot speak against a noble!” I cried. “Justified or not, we don’t do that.”
“We? Who is this ‘we’ you speak of?”
“Servants do not judge their masters,” I said quietly.
“Is that how you see me?”
“You are my husband,” I said, for I believed that to be all the explanation needed.
“And not your master.”
“But you are of noble blood,” I whispered.
“And you are no longer a servant.”
No longer a servant. I didn’t even understand the meaning of the words. Wasn’t I now just his servant instead of Whitney’s? Hadn’t he said as much to me on our wedding night? Granted, the role involved many other aspects, but when it came right down to it, I would now serve Branford as his wife. If I was not his servant, I didn’t know at all who I was or what I was supposed to do. At least as his servant, I had some inkling of how to behave.
“What am I?” I heard myself ask.
“You are my wife,” he stated simply, “unless you choose not to be.”
“I could not make that choice,” I said.
“Does that mean you will forgive me?”
“I already have,” I said.
“Because you have no choice but to accept me as I am?”
There were too many questions to answer, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. Since I didn’t know how I should answer, I found no words forthcoming at all. Obviously, I could not hold a grudge against him for his actions. It would serve no purpose.
“That is the reason, is it not?” he pressed. “You will endure anything and everything because you feel you have no choice in these matters.”
“I will try to be what you need me to be,” I said. My voice was shaking, and I could feel the beginning of tears in my eyes. My breaths were short, and my mouth had gone dry. I was failing him again. I didn’t have any idea what he wanted me to say, and it was obvious my answers were not correct. I pulled the laces of my dress tight and sat in the opposite chair. The warm air from the closeness of the fire contrasted with the cooling breeze coming from the window.
“Please, Alexandra. Please tell me what you are thinking. I need to know how you really feel and if you can even bear the sight of me after what I have done. I swear I will go mad if you don’t tell me something.”
How could I speak of the things Princess Whitney would say and do to me when she was angered? Even though he professed to hate her, I still could not speak against someone of her bloodline. He had to understand this, at least, for his kingdom also held servants who would not speak against the nobility of this court. I took a deep breath and tried to talk loud enough for him to hear me.
“All my life I have been taught to never question the actions of nobles. To do so would always mean severe punishment, and I have seen it cost some their lives. How could I even consider being angry with you over such a thing? Yes, it hurt, if that’s what you really want to hear, but it doesn’t matter. I am yours to do with as you please.”
“You should not think that way,” Branford said. “Yes, you are my wife, and therefore my property, but that doesn’t mean you cannot feel anger toward me.”
I felt the first of the tears drop from my lashes down my face. If one felt anger, one would eventually speak of it. It was safer not to feel.
“I can’t just…stop thinking this way, my…Branford,” I said. “I can’t even address you properly!”