“With what?”
She let out an exaggerated sigh before looking up into my face.
“I’m not ready to have sex with you.”
“Oh! That.”
“Yeah, that.”
I trailed my fingers down the side of her face.
“Whenever you’re ready,” I said, and I hoped I wasn’t lying to her. “I’m not in any hurry.”
&
nbsp; She raised an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged in response.
“How long do you need?” I asked. “Ten minutes?”
She laughed and leaned against me. I held her tightly and rested my cheek on the top of her head, wishing I had been joking so we could both laugh. There was no doubt that I would wait, but I didn’t have to like it.
“I can keep kissing you, right?” I asked for clarification.
“That sounds like a good plan,” she said with a nod. “I just don’t want to…”
“What?” I asked when she didn’t continue.
“I know you’ve…been around.”
I had to laugh at that one.
“Have I?”
“Well, um…I think so.” She looked up at me with her eyes full of concern. “I mean, you’re just so…so…”
I had to prompt her to continue.
“You’re about the best looking, most built guy I have ever seen in my life!” she finally blurted out. “You have to have had hundreds of girlfriends! You could have anyone!”
More laughter. I took her hand and brought her back into the living room, figuring the bed wasn’t the best place to have this sort of conversation. We sat next to each other on the couch, and I reached over to put my arm around her and bring her back to me.
Now that I had her close to me during the daylight hours, I didn’t want to let her go again.
“I have only ever been in one relationship,” I told her, “and that was years ago. I just…don’t really do well with them. Yes, I’ve had hookups but no girlfriends. Not in ages.”
“Why not?”
All of Yolanda’s words flooded back through my head.
“Yolanda said I didn’t give anyone a chance,” I finally said. “I don’t know if that’s true or not. I just…fuck.”
I unwrapped my arm from her and stood up again.
“I can’t do this, Tria…I just…I’m not cut out for this!”
“For what?” she asked, and the innocent and understanding look on her face was enough to bring me down.
“I fucked up once,” I said quietly. “This is where it got me. I don’t give a shit about anyone or anything. I’m just…here, Tria. What can you possibly see in that?”