He was lying partially on top of his dog bed, looking like a large lump of white fur. The dog bed was upside down amidst a pool of blood. The blood was soaked into his paws and on his side though I couldn’t see a wound at first glance.
I dropped to my knees and reached out to his shoulder. He whined softly again, and his tail thumped once against the bedroom floor.
“Odin…buddy?” I leaned in closer and wrapped one arm around him to turn him a little. Two round, bright red spots on the front of his chest oozed blood into his white fur. I tried to look him over as carefully as I could but couldn’t find an exit wound. I tore off my shirt and held it to the wounds I could see, and blood quickly soaked it.
Odin tried to lift his head, but he couldn’t do it on his own. With effort, I pulled him up against my chest and looked down into his soft, brown eyes. He reached out with his tongue and lapped at the side of my face.
“That’s disgusting,” I whispered as my voice cracked.
Odin snuffed at my neck, let out a long sigh, and was still.
“No…no, Odin! No! Don’t…don’t…”
I squeezed my eyes shut and held his head against my body as I shook and tried to hold in the scream I wanted to let out.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t part of the plan—the vision. Odin was a part of all of it. He was supposed to come away with us.
Us.
“Lia!” I screamed again, but I knew there wasn’t going to be an answer. I lowered Odin’s head gently to the floor and checked the rest of the apartment, but there was no sign of her. I did find the assault rifle Gavino had given me months ago, so whoever it was obviously was not looking for weapons. I went back to Odin’s side and pulled his head into my lap again.
I was frozen, shaking, and completely unable to think or move or act.
I had no idea how long I sat there and just held him. Nothing else around me even registered as his body cooled beside me. I knew I needed to move—I had to find Lia—but I couldn’t.
All of this was my fault.
Odin had been the only constant in my life since I left the convent. He was with me through sniper school and every assignment I was given all over the country. Even when I was deployed, he was cared for by volunteers at the base in Virginia, waiting for me to return.
Without him, I would have been completely alone.
No matter what I might have done, he was always there waiting for me when I got home. He didn’t judge, and he was never afraid of me. When I was too lost in thought, he would always be there to bring me out of it. He was always, always there when I needed him. He was my companion and my friend.
“He’s gone.” My voice echoed around the empty room.
With my eyes closed, I leaned over to place my forehead against his. For a moment, I thought he moved, but I realized it was just my own body shaking. I tried to tighten my muscles to make the trembling stop, but it didn’t work. I took a long breath, and when I glanced up, someone was standing in front of me.
The kid with the bombs strapped to him.
He was closer to me now than I had ever seen him in the past. On his face, I could clearly see the path of every tear, and on his clothing, every grain of sand. There were wires sticking out from under his shirt and leading up to his hand, which was wrapped firmly around a detonator.
“What do you want?” I cried at him. “I can’t take it back! I can’t fix it! You’re dead, and now he’s dead, and I can’t fix any of that shit! What the fuck do you want from me?”
He continued to stare at me with dark, sorrowful eyes. I couldn’t look away from him—all I could do was stare back and ask inane questions of a ghost from my past. His eyes drifted to Odin and then back to mine.
“Is…is she gone, too? Did you see her here? Did he kill her?”
He didn’t respond.
“She’s…she’s all I have left. If something happened to her…if that guy killed her…nothing else will fucking matter anymore!”
His head slowly shook from side to side.
“Why are you here?” I screamed at him.
He blinked several times, and his mouth opened.
“Don’t you see it?” I knew the voice was my own. Even though it appeared as if the kid was talking, I still knew it was me. As soon as I heard the words, I knew what he meant.