Best not to have any ties.
I light a cigarette and draw the smoke into my lungs as I walk along the grassy bank near the sand. It’s a little colder here with the wind coming off the lake. It clears my head and brings me back to Alina and her observations.
Yeah, girlfriends are nice to have around as far as getting a decent night’s sleep and not having to go pick them up on a corner while wondering how many other guys they’ve fucked in the last twenty-four hours, but they want to know things about you. They would want to know about your childhood, why you were discharged from the Marines, and why you have nightmares. They’d want to ask about your family, and then they would give you that pitiful look when you’d tell them your only living family is a brother you nearly killed, and he doesn’t even know you’re related.
They would want to know what you do for a living and why you always pay for everything in cash. They would want to know where you were last night. They would want to know why you have blood all over your clothes when you come home.
Ultimately, they would want
to know why you’re so fucked up. In the end, that knowledge would get them killed.
Bridgett had wanted to know all of that, and I told her a lot of it. She paid the ultimate price for getting too wrapped up in my life. Lia wanted to know as well, and I’d told her more than I had ever told anyone else. I still didn’t tell her all of it, but she knew enough to get the fuck out while she still could.
I wonder what she’s doing right now. I know she returned to Arizona to be with her mother, but has she moved on from there? Has she gone back to her ex-boyfriend, assuming an alcoholic is still better than me? Maybe I should have Jonathan check it out.
I toss the cigarette butt into the sand and light up another. The last thing I want to do is to think about Lia. Looking into her current whereabouts is opening a door I plan to keep very tightly locked.
No more thinking about her.
I stare out at the water as the sun reaches its peak. It’s still not that warm, but it’s quiet and peaceful. The waves wash up on the shore in a rhythmic, lulling cadence. For the first time in my life, I try using one of those guided meditations the doctors were always encouraging me to use when I had flashbacks of being in a pit, surrounded by enemies, sand, and pain. I collect my memories of Lia, place them in an imaginary hot air balloon, and send them off over the water.
Turning away from the lake, I feel empty inside.
I think I prefer it that way.
Chapter 10—Compromised Position
I don’t like this plan—any of it.
We’re in the exact same pickup spot where we were two weeks ago. Somehow, Rinaldo has it in his head that it’s a safe enough place for a drop even though I’ve used all the viable locations for sniping in the past. Beni and Paulie keep reassuring Rinaldo the location is sound, but I’m beginning to think Beni is scheming, and Paulie is just stupid.
We’re on the far west side of town, out in the burbs. There isn’t much of anything in the area except for a couple of trade schools, a small hospital, and an old cemetery. The expressway isn’t too far, which does make the location ideal.
Yet there’s something in the back of my head telling me everything about this is wrong. I had the same feeling in this morning’s meeting, but I haven’t been able to put my finger on it.
“This spot is compromised,” I say for the thousandth time.
“We’ve been over this,” Rinaldo says, as if I need the reminder.
“This is still a valid pickup point,” Beni pipes in. “No security cameras on the buildings around us, cops don’t patrol this area, and there’s room for both trucks.”
“The only ones who know about this spot are Marcello’s people,” Paulie says. “I don’t think there’s much chance of them showing up.”
Apparently, Paulie thinks his own remark is hilarious. I glare at him, and for a brief second contemplate pulling out my gun to see how funny he thinks that is.
Rinaldo is irritable today, to say the least. I don’t wonder why but watch him closely. He barks out a few more orders and then sends everyone to their positions, asking me to stay behind. Beni and Paulie walk away, seeking out Becca and her lists. Rinaldo and I stay behind, and he places his hand on my shoulder.
“Since you haven’t mentioned it, I assume you still haven’t seen Felisa?”
“No, sir.” I look down at my gun, pretending to check the chamber.
“I’m worried, Evan.”
“What about, sir?”
“She still hasn’t answered her phone. I thought it was just my phone acting up, but she’s not at her apartment either. The doorman said he hadn’t seen her since the day before yesterday. I think…I think something has happened to her.”
“Who would go after Felisa?” I tilt my head and look at him quizzically. “I mean, who would have it in for the mob shrink? That doesn’t make much sense.”