I lowered by eyes and turned my head into the pillow for a minute before I looked back at her through my eyelashes.
“I thought you’d like it.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now.”
“Good.” Nicole reached out and ran her hand through my hair and seemed to be watching her fingers as they moved over my head. After a minute, she looked around her own room. “This place doesn’t bother you?”
“Not really,” I said. I smiled a little. “It was like this the first time I saw it.”
“So, since the mess is all in the same place, it’s okay?”
“It’s not in exactly the same place, but essentially—yes.”
“Not exactly?”
“Well, you had three Clare books on the nightstand when I was here before,” I told her. “Now there are only two and a Bracken book has been added. You had a blue shirt over the rocker arm before, and now your jeans are there. The hamper lid was open before, and there were hoop earrings on the dresser, not a necklace. There was English homework next to your computer, not biology, and two pencils were with it, not a pen, and a pair of socks was sticking out from under your bed before. Those are gone.”
Nicole’s eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped open.
My chest tightened when I realized everything I had just revealed. I wanted to take it back.
I couldn’t.
My heart started to pound faster, and my hands went cold and numb.
“Holy shit,” Nicole finally breathed out.
“I don’t…I mean…I was just…um…kidding.”
“No.” Nicole shook her head slightly. “You weren’t.”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Thomas?”
I didn’t answer even when I felt her hand against the side of my face.
“Thomas. Look at me.”
I opened my eyes slowly, waiting for the expression that would tell me she knew I was a complete freak, and she would probably toss me right out the window.
“Do you really remember all of that?”
“Maybe,” I whispered.
“Thomas…that is incredible.”
I tucked my head against her shoulder, and it felt like my skin was trying to implode into my body or something. It was all tight and making everything inside of me hurt.
“Oh my God,” Nicole suddenly said. I heard her slight gasp. “You said something about this before—that you would never forget anything again after…after your mom…”
Both her hands captured my face, and she turned my head up. I looked into her soft blue eyes, waiting for the loathing that was sure to appear when she put it all together.
Not only did I kill my mom, but my dad hated me, and I was a total freak of nature as well. As I stared, her look did change, but I didn’t see the loathing I expected.
It just wasn’t there.