“Why would I want that?”
“Fuck, I don’t know!” I tried to control my voice. “You’ve got…choices again. You don’t have to put up with my shit anymore.”
“Bastian…”
“Raine,” I mocked, then felt like a total shit for doing so. She scowled at me. “Fuck it, babe, you know I’m never going to be…”
“Don’t start that again.” Raine crawled into the small bed and stuck her legs under the sheet.
“It’s different now.”
“It is not!” she yelled and then her breath caught in her throat and her hand moved up, settling on her sternum. She spoke softly. “Unless it’s different for you.”
I realized at that point it was my chance. If I told her it was different for me – if I told her I didn’t want her anymore – she’d drop it. It would be so much better for her – she could go on with her life and find a decent guy without a fucked up past and enough baggage to fill a Boeing 747. She would be so much better off if I told her right now I only said all that shit so she’d let me fuck her. I could make her believe it, too.
“Nothing’s different for me,” I said because I just couldn’t tell her that shit. It would hurt her too much, and I was too fucking selfish to let her go like that.
“I love you, Bastian,” Raine continued. “That didn’t end because we’ve changed locations.”
“But it will,” I whispered. “It might…you know it might.”
“No, I do not know that,” Raine admonished. “Neither do you. Are you going to stop caring for me because you don’t have to forage for my food anymore? Will you not want to be with me because I can shave with a razor again?”
“No.”
“Are you going to think less of me?” she pressed.
“Never.”
“Why would I think less of you then?” She glared at me with her hands on her hips, which made me want to grab her and fuck her senseless. I don’t know how screwed up that was. I guess when it came right down to it, I always wanted to fuck her. As per normal – I couldn’t argue with her logic. If I did, I was being an ass and putting her down, which I wasn’t going to do.
“I don’t…fuck, you won’t, I guess,” I finally broke down. “It’s harder to realize you ever thought anything of me at all out here with everyone else.”
“Well, I did and I do,” Raine informed me, leaving no room for argument.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, properly chastised again and fucking glad for it.
“Then come to bed,” she commanded. She pulled back the blanket covering her legs. “Because I’m feeling about as nervous as I can be, and I need you to hold me and tell me I’m safe.”
I couldn’t speak because I was afraid I might actually cry out with relief. Instead, I just followed her instructions.
Raine was lying down on her side on the love seat converted into a bed. It was a little wider than a twin-sized bed,
but not by much. I looked around the elongated room, then at the bed, then around the room again. The door to the outside and the street was directly in front of the bed. To the right was the door where Nick and Lindsay had retired, and the one to the left was John Paul’s. I could see the eat-in kitchen and the open door to the bathroom. I was edgy though I couldn’t place my finger on exactly why. Raine scooted a little so her back was against the wall, but I shook my head, reached out, and pulled her closer to the edge, and then crawled over her so I could have my back against the wall.
The bed was cramped and would have normally been considered a little uncomfortable, but when you haven’t slept in a bed for quite some time, most anything would feel pretty fucking good. Raine sighed, stretched, and placed her palms on my chest. I pulled her close to me and assumed my normal position of wrapping myself around her and holding her tightly. Raine hummed, smiled, and snuggled back against me.
“How’s the pillow?”
“Perfect,” Raine said with a smile. I doubted that – it looked kind of stiff, but she wasn’t going to complain.
I looked up and down the room again, raised myself up a bit, and pulled her underneath me a little more. Raine glanced up at me and gave me that small, seductive-shy smile that only she could pull off. Naturally, my cock was very appreciative of such a look and took the opportunity to notice how close he was to the promised land. In case I hadn’t made the connection, he pointed the way for me.
Nick seemed to think that was the perfect time to waltz in and grab a bottle of water out of the small icebox under the sink. He glanced over and made eye contact with me, took a second to understand the situation, raised his eyebrows, and walked back out.
Raine glanced around, suddenly nervous.
“Bastian, I’m not sure we should…”