“I knew you would stop if I wanted you to,” I say.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Cree sits up, and I do the same. He leans back against the wall, coaxing me next to him so he can put his arm around me. “It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I felt like I needed that kind of satisfaction, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. I learned through the primal group that as long as I don’t ever take someone who’s truly unwilling, I could satisfy myself without crossing that line.”
“I understand,” I tell him. “Really, I think I do. I’m sorry if I came across as accusatory. I’m really just trying to figure it all out, and I also really have to pee.”
Cree laughs, and I jump up to head to the bathroom.
I’m sore everywhere but not actually in pain. When I think about the last few hours, my skin starts to tingle, and I wonder if Cree has awakened some kind of sex addict inside of me. I shake my head, finish up, and go to wash my hands.
Washing my hands reminds me of the water on the first floor, and I wonder just how high it has risen. As soon as the thought enters my head, I feel tension in my back and shoulders, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut and count for a bit to push the panic away.
Though there is only one emergency light in the bathroom, it’s enough to let me see my reflection in the mirror above the sink. I splash water on my face and notice a mark on the back of my raised arm. I look a little closer, turning to the side to get a better view. My arms are covered in crisscross patterns from the ropes as well as some bruises. I take a step closer to the mirror and stand up on my toes to see bruises on my hips where Cree was holding on to me. Around my thighs, wrists, and ankles are more rope marks.
I walk out of the bathroom slowly. I have to force myself not to look over at the railing, but it doesn’t matter because I can hear the water sloshing around below. It might still be several feet down, but it sounds closer. Cree is sitting up on the towels with his back to the wall, watching me closely.
“Are you all right?” he asks quietly.
“I’m fine.” The words are an automatic reply, and my voice doesn’t carry the sentiment. I glance at Cree, who raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize how many marks the ropes would leave.”
“They fade pretty fast,” he says. He holds his hand out, and I take it. He pulls me down into his lap and holds my back to his chest. He rubs my arms and legs as he speaks quietly. “Are we all right? You look a little shook up.”
“I think I’m still trying to process it all.”
“Understandable.” Cree kisses the back of my head.
The soft kiss makes me long for a different type of intimacy, and I wonder if that is even something Cree is capable of providing.
Chapter 11—Cree
My chest hurts as if I’ve been holding my breath for an hour. Since we’d finished the last round, I’ve been on edge, trying to figure out what’s going on in Kas’s head. When she walked out of the bathroom, she looked pale and frightened. Now I’m doubting myself, doubting my ability to read a person, and it’s scaring me.
Did I make a catastrophic mistake?
Kas seems shaken up, even as I hold her against my chest and kiss her softly. Though we’ve been discussing our last encounter, I can’t quite tell how she feels about it. She seems like such a natural sub, and I’ve treated her as such. Though I’ve never considered myself a harsh Dom, maybe I’ve pushed her too far.
“Kas?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re worrying me.”
“I am?” She turns her head to face me. “How so?”
“You look like you’re in shock, and I’m afraid I did something to upset you.”
She shivers in my arms, and my chest tightens again. When she doesn’t respond, panic wells up inside of me.
“Kas, what is it?” I place my hand on the side of her face and stare into her eyes, pleading with her to answer me. “Are you regretting all of this?”
“No!” Her eyes go wide, and she gives me a soft smile. “Not at all. I guess the distractions can only last so long.”
“Distractions?”
“The water.” She nods toward the railing and the first level of the library.
I’d been so ecstatic with how this night had gone, I’d nearly forgotten about how it started. This was all about keeping her from thinking about the water below and her overwhelming fear of it.
“Shit, Kas. I’m sorry.” I hold her against my chest. “I guess you distracted me so much, I forgot all about it. I was being selfish, and I’m sorry about that.”