seventeen
The next day, when I get home from school, Haven’s on my front steps, eyes smeared with mascara, royal blue bangs hanging limp in her face, with a blanketed bundle clutched tight in her arms.
“I know I should’ve called.” She scrambles to her feet, face red and swollen as she sniffs back the tears. “I guess I didn’t really know what to do, so I came here.” She rearranges the blanket, showing me a solid black cat with amazing green eyes that appears very weak.
“Is he yours?” I glance between them, noticing how both of their auras are ragged and frayed.
“She.” Haven nods, fussing with the blanket and raising it back to her chest.
“I didn’t know you had a cat.” I squint, wanting to help but unsure what to do. My dad was allergic, so we always had dogs. “Is this why you weren’t at school today?”
She nods, following me into the kitchen where I grab a bottle of water and pour it into a bowl.
“How long have you had her?” I ask, watching as she places the cat in her lap and brings the bowl to her face. But the cat’s not the least bit interested and quickly turns away.
“Few months.” She shrugs, giving up on the water and smoothing the top of her head. “Nobody knows. Well, outside of Josh, Austin, and the maid who’s sworn to secrecy, but nobody else. My mom would flip. God forbid a real living thing mess up her designer decorating scheme.” She shakes her head. “She lives in my room, mostly under the bed. But I leave the window cracked so she can get out and wander around now and then. I mean, I know they’re supposed to live longer if you keep ’em inside, but what kind of life is that?” She looks at me, her normally bright sunshiny aura turned gray with worry.
“What’s her name?” I peer at the cat, keeping my voice to a whisper, trying to hide my concern. From what I can see, she’s not long for this world.
“Charm.” The corners of her lips lifting ever so slightly as she glances between us. “I named her that because she’s lucky—or at least it seemed that way at the time. I found her just outside my window the first time Josh and I kissed. It seemed so romantic.” She shrugs. “Like a good sign. But now—” She shakes her head, and looks away.
“Maybe I can help,” I say, an idea beginning to form. One I’m not sure will work, but still, from what I can see I’ve got nothing to lose.
“She’s not exactly a kitten. She’s an old lady now. The vet told me to keep her comfortable for as long as I can. And I totally would’ve kept her home since she really likes it under my bed, but my mom’s decided to redo all the bedrooms even though my dad’s threatening to sell, and now the decorator is there, along with a Realtor, and everyone’s fighting and the house is a mess. And since Josh is auditioning for this new band, and since Miles is getting ready for his performance tonight, I thought I’d come here.” She looks at me. “Not that you were last choice or anything.” She cringes, realizing what she just said. “It’s just that you’re always so busy with Damen and I didn’t want to bother you. But if you’re busy, I don’t have to stay. I mean, if he’s coming over or something, I can just—”
“Trust me.” I lean against the counter and shake my head. “Damen’s—” I stare at the wall, wondering just how to phrase it. “Damen’s pretty busy these days. So I doubt he’ll be dropping by anytime soon.”
I glance between her and Charm, reading her aura and knowing she’s even more distraught than she seems. And even though I know it’s not right, ethical, or whatever, even though I know it’s the circle of life and you’re not supposed to interfere, I can’t stand to see my friend suffer like this, not when I have a half bottle of elixir sitting inside my bag.
“I’m just—sad.” She sighs, scratching just under Charm’s chin. “I mean, obviously she’s lived a good long life and all, but still. Why does it have to be so sad when it ends?”
I shrug, barely listening, mind buzzing with the promise of a new idea.
“It’s so weird how like one minute everything’s fine—or maybe even not so fine—but still, you’re at least here. And then the next—gone. Like Evangeline. Never to be seen or heard from again.”
I drum my fingers against the granite counter, knowing that’s not exactly true, but unwilling to refute it.
“I guess I just don’t get the point. It’s like, why should you bother getting attached to a
nything if, A: It’s never gonna last, and B: It hurts like hell when it’s over?” She shakes her head. “Because if everything’s finite, if everything has a definite beginning, middle, and end, then why even get started in the first place? What’s the point when everything just leads to The End?”
She blows her bangs out of her eyes and looks at me. “And I don’t mean death like—” She nods toward her cat. “Although that’s where we all end up—no matter how hard we fight.”
I glance between her and Charm, nodding as though I’m right there. Like I’m just like everyone else. Waiting my turn in a long morbid line.
“I mean death in a more metaphorical way. In a nothing lasts forever way, you know? Because it’s true, nothing’s built to last. Nothing. No. Thing.”
“But Haven—” I start, stopping the second she shoots me a look meant to silence.
“Listen, before you try to sell me all that bright side nonsense you’re just dying to spout, name one thing that doesn’t end.” She narrows her gaze in a way that sets me on edge, making me wonder if she knows about me, if she’s trying to bait me somehow. But when I take a deep breath and look at her again, it’s clear she’s battling her own set of demons, not me.
“Can’t do it, right?” She shakes her head. “Unless you were going to say God, or universal love, or whatever, but that’s not what I’m talking about, anyway. I mean, Charm is dying, my parents are on the verge of divorcing, and, let’s face it, Josh and I are going to end eventually too. And if it’s purely an inevitable fact, then—” She shakes her head and wipes her nose. “Well—I may as well take control of the situation and be the one who decides when. Hurt him, before he can hurt me. Because two things are for sure, A: It’s going to end, and B: Someone’s bound to get hurt. And why should that someone be me?” She looks away, nose runny, lips twisted. “Mark my words, from this point on, I’m Teflon Girl. Everything runs right off me, nothing can stick.”
I look at her, sensing this isn’t quite the whole story, but willing to take her at her word. “You know what? You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” I say, seeing her look up in surprise. “Everything is finite.” Everything but Roman, Damen, and me! “And you’re also right that you and Josh will probably end at some point, and not just because everything ends like you said, but because that’s just the way it goes. Most high school relationships don’t make it past graduation.”
“Is that how you see you and Damen?” She picks at Charm’s blanket while looking at me. “That you guys won’t make it past grad night?”
I press my lips together and avert my gaze, knowing I’m pretty much the world’s worst liar when I say, “I—I try not to think about it too much. But what I meant was, just because something ends doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that someone’s bound to get hurt, or that it should’ve never happened in the first place, or whatever. Because if each step brings us to the next, then how will we ever get anywhere, how can we ever grow if we avoid everything that might hurt us?”