eight
Damen turns toward me, the word trouble coursing from his mind to mine.
But I just stand there, so stunned I have no idea where to take it from here.
“I knew she’d be a problem.” He shakes his head and drops onto the couch. “She’s too fragile, too volatile, she won’t be able to handle any of this. She’ll be consumed with power before long, just wait.”
“Wait?” I perch on the armrest beside him. “Are you serious? Wait for what? You think it’s actually gonna get worse than what we just saw?”
He nods, making a great effort to withhold the I told you so gaze. But it’s not like it matters. We both know I’m the one responsible for this mess.
I sigh, sliding off the armrest and toppling onto him. Knowing I have to do something—take control of this situation before it gets any worse—but having no idea what that something is. Every decision I’ve made up to this point has only made everything worse. And I’m just so tired—so drained—all I want to do is take a nice long peaceful nap where Roman can’t enter my dreams.
Roman.
The name reverberating from my mind to his, and when he looks at me, I know it’s too late—I know that he sensed it.
“Why’d you change your mind?” He studies me closely, seeking the truth behind the look in my eyes, the words on my tongue. “Why’d you tell her to avoid him?”
“Because you were right,” I mumble, hating the lie I’m about to tell. “It was a selfish thing to do—to put her in that kind of danger just so we could benefit—” I shake my head, allowing my hair to fall onto my face in a way that obscures it.
Because the truth is, I’m worried I didn’t do it for her.
I’m worried I tried to keep her from Roman, so there’d be more room for me.
I remain like that, face hidden as I struggle to pull myself together, summon up some small glimmer of the old me. Finally lifting my head only to find his brow creased with worry, as his hand squeezes my knee.
“Hey, take it easy,” he says, voice soft and low. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. So, we’ve entered a bit of a glitch, we’ll get through it. We still have each other, right? That’s all that matters in the big scheme of things. As for everything else—we’ll find a way—I promise we will.”
“Do we?” I look at him, my eyes going wide when I realize what I just said, having meant to say will we—meant to question the part about finding a way and not the part about us having each other.
He looks at me, clearly disturbed by my words. “I thought that was a given. Am I wrong?”
I swallow hard and reach for his hand, watching as the slim veil of energy dances between his palm and mine, holding back the words until I can trust my voice again. “You’re not wrong,” I whisper. “You’re the best thing in my life—the only thing that truly matters.” Repeating the words that I know for sure to be true, just wishing I could feel them in the same way that I used to.
But Damen’s not buying it, he knows me too well—having witnessed a million different mood swings, a gazillion different voice inflections and avoidance techniques over the last four hundred years—and that’s just counting mine.
“Ever, is something wrong? You’ve been acting strange ever since—”
I look at him, my voice sharp, edgy, cutting in when I say, “Ever since I made you drink the elixir that turned our touch lethal?”
He shakes his head.
“Ever since I turned Haven into an immortal?”
He shakes his head again, this time pressing his finger to my lips, quieting me when he says, “I wasn’t referring to any of those things. You made the best decisions you could under the circumstances you found yourself in. I’ve no right to fault you for that. What I was going to say is you’ve been acting strange ever since you started delving into magick. You seem preoccupied, distracted, like you’re never fully present anymore. And I’m worried about you, wondering if you’ve gotten in over your head, and if so, how I might help.”
I look into his eyes, and there’s so much hope and tenderness there that I can’t bring myself to confess what I’ve been feeling for Roman. The thought alone is too gruesome. “I admit, I got into a little bind. And while I’d rather not go into all the details, it’s better now. Romy and Rayne showed me how to undo it, and it’s all—good. You just have to trust me.”
He looks at me, his concern deepening, but still he just nods and says, “If you tell me to trust you, then I’ll trust you. But let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
I reach toward him—my boyfriend—my soul mate—my partner for life. Knowing this is how it’s meant to be—that everything I’m going through now is just a rude interruption—a technical difficulty—a brief blip on the screen of our infinite lives. Aware of that horrible insistent hum, thrumming in the background, threatening to take over again, I look him right in the eyes and say, “What do you say we get out of here?”
He looks at me, face softening, eyes lightening, always game for a good adventure. “Any place in particular?” he asks, having no idea what I have in mind but clearly complicit in his gaze.
I nod, squeezing his hand and quietly urging him to close his eyes, as I whisper, “Follow me.”
nine