“With every intake of breath I want you to imagine a beautiful, healing, shimmering white light filling you up, starting at your crown and drifting all the way down to your toes. And then, with each exhale, I want you to imagine all that leftover negativity, any doubts, anything that serves the word can’t leaving you for good. Imagine it as a thick, mucky, clumpy, clotted stream of gray drudge if you want—that always seems to work for me.” She laughs, her voice like a smile.
I nod, and since my eyes are closed, I can only imagine the twins are nodding too. Their approach to Ava is pretty much the same as their approach to Damen—complete and total idolization, willing to do whatever she says. And while they weren’t too thrilled about The Book of Shadows being banished from their lesson plan, even after I shared my own cautionary tale of magick gone wrong, showing them just how astray things can go when the intent gets a bit clouded and good judgment is overruled by obsession, they wasted no time in pointing out that they’d never be as stupid as me. Would never practice any kind of ritual on a dark moon. Would only try to manipulate matter and never the actions of another human being. But Ava held firm, which is why we’re all back to energy cleansing and meditating again.
And even though I’m going along with the plan, picturing the white light streaming all the way through me, while banishing the negative crud that tends to build up inside—even though in just a few weeks of doing this I’ve already seen a tremendous difference in the way that I look, feel, and, almost more important, in the way I can manifest and communicate telepathically with Damen again—even though I know that taking part in this group meditation only serves my own best interests and will help steer me toward the ultimate destination I want to reach—even despite all that, my mind keeps wandering back to yesterday at
the beach, when I took the day off from work to hang out with Damen.
We spread our towels out next to each other, so close the edges overlapped. Adding a mountain of unread magazines by my side, a customized, newly manifested surfboard by his (since the old one broke to pieces in the unfortunate cave collapse from a few weeks back), along with some chilled bottles of elixir, and an iPod we passed back and forth but mostly I listened to. The two of us determined to enjoy the summer we had both anticipated but had yet to experience. The two of us looking forward to a long, relaxing day at the beach, just like any other couple.
“Surf?” he said, rising from his towel and grabbing hold of his board.
But I just shook my head. As far as surfing goes, it’s better for everyone if I just stay put and watch from afar.
So I did. Watching as he headed off toward the water, raising my shoulders and shifting my weight onto my elbows as he moved across the sand so swiftly and effortlessly, I wondered if anyone else was as mesmerized by the sight of it as I was.
My gaze still focused on him as he dropped his board into the ocean and began to paddle out, turning what was once a series of pretty ho-hum, semi-flat waves into a succession of near perfect barrels. Fully content to ignore my magazines and iPod in favor of watching him, until Stacia came up beside me, tucked her long, newly highlighted hair back behind her ear, hitched her designer beach bag higher up on her shoulder, and lowered her sunglasses onto her face as she said, “Jeez, Ever, white much?”
I swallowed hard, breathed in and out, blinked a few times, but that’s it. I gave no indication of having seen or heard her. I was determined to ignore her, determined to act as though she was invisible to me, and keep Damen in focus.
She stood beside me, making little tsking sounds of disgust as she harshly looked me over, but it wasn’t long before she tired of the game and moved on, shuffling down the sand and settling in somewhere near the water but still within perfect viewing distance of me.
And that’s when I let myself do it. That’s when I went against everything Ava has taught me about empowering myself by tuning her, and everyone else like her, out, in favor of my own, more positive, upbeat soundtrack. That’s when I let her words replay in my head as my eyes raked over my body and agreed she was right. Even though just a few minutes before I’d felt good about the way I looked, thrilled that my formerly unhealthy, emaciated body was now nicely filled out again, there’s no getting around the fact that I was white—glaringly white—a white that definitely required the wearing of sunglasses and that could only be described as pasty. And when you factor in the light blond hair and the white bikini—the truth is, it wasn’t pretty. I may as well have been a ghost.
And I was so far gone by that point, so convinced of her negative view of me, it took a whole, long session of those deep cleansing breaths Ava’s so fond of to get rid of it. But even so, I wasn’t willing to let it go completely, and I watched as she and Honor whispered back and forth, watched as Stacia laughed loudly, dramatically tossing her hair all around and swiveling her head from side to side, continually checking to see who was noticing her but always coming back to me, smirking, eye rolling, shaking her head in disgust, and pretty much doing whatever she could to show me just how revolting she found me. And even though it would’ve been easy enough to tune in, focus my quantum remote, and hear all the words that were and weren’t being said, that’s when I decided to stop.
Even though I was definitely tempted, especially after knowing all about Honor’s plans to overthrow Stacia, and stage her own senior-year social coup—not to mention her “amazing,” well, according to Jude anyway, progress in his Psychic Development 101 class, catching on so quickly and easily, mastering so many techniques he’s switched to one-on-one sessions where he tutors her exclusively—but still, despite all that, I didn’t do it. Didn’t eavesdrop. Figuring I’ll be getting plenty of that when school starts again. Instead, I switched my focus to Damen, enjoying the way he maneuvered through the water so gracefully, so elegantly, the way he practically glistened in the sun. A startling arrangement of bronzed skin, smooth rounded muscles, and jaw-dropping good looks as he came out of the water, board tucked under his arm, and headed for me.
Immune to Stacia’s hard, glinting stare, her high-pitched, saccharine-sweet greeting as he passed, dropped his board onto the sand, and trailed large drops of salty wetness onto my belly as he bent down to kiss me. Ignoring the way she watched so intently, so closely, not missing a beat as he settled in beside me and kissed me again, that veil of energy hovering between us, keeping us safe, but invisible to them.
Or, at least that’s what I thought, until I lifted my head to see the way Honor was looking, mostly at him. Her gaze reminding me of Stacia’s—lingering, longing, but also, or at least in her case anyway, filled with a great deal of knowing and seeing as well.
And when her eyes met mine, and I saw the smile that formed on her lips, a smile that flashed and vanished so quickly, I wondered if I really had seen it. Left only with a lingering sense of dread as I turned away from her and back toward Damen—
“Ever? Yoo-hoo?” Ava calls, as Romy giggles and Rayne mutters under her breath. “Are you still with us? Still enjoying your cleansing breaths?”
And just like that, my memory of the beach collapses and I’m back in Ava’s house again.
I shake my head, my gaze meeting hers as I say, “Um—no, I guess I got a little distracted.”
But Ava just shrugs, she’s one of those nice teachers, there are no demerits in her class. “It happens,” she says. “Anything we can help you with?”
I glance at Romy and Rayne, shaking my head when I say, “No. I’m good.”
Watching as she lifts her hands high overhead, stretching from side to side, leisurely, languorously, as she looks at me and says, “What do you think? You want to give it a try?”
I press my lips together and shrug. Not sure if I’ll get in but ready to give it a go.
“Good. I think it’s time.” She smiles. “Would you like company, or would you rather go it alone?”
I glance at the twins, seeing the way they study their feet, the pictures on the walls, the hem of their dresses, anything but me. The last couple attempts to get them to Summerland have failed, and not wanting to risk making them feel badly again, I say, “Um, I think I’ll go it alone, if that’s okay with you.”
Ava looks at me, her gaze holding mine for a moment before she presses her palms together, bows her head, and says, “Have a safe trip, Ever. Godspeed.”
Her words still echoing in my head as I bypass the vast fragrant field and land smack in front of the Great Halls of Learning. Brushing myself off as I rise to my feet, feeling ready, cleansed, totally and completely whole again, and hoping whoever’s in charge of admittance will agree.
Hoping the ever-changing façade will make itself visible to me.
I clamber up the steps, unwilling to waste even a second, unwilling to allow any time for doubt to move in. Gazing up at the grand building before me, the imposing columns, grand sloping roof, and gasping in relief as it begins to shimmer and change. Transforming itself into all of the world’s most beautiful, sacred places, as the doors spring open for me.