“What are you doing here, Luca?” I finally asked when I couldn’t stand the silence in the room another second.
He glanced up from spreading mayo on a slice of bread. His hypnotic eyes were swirling with a few different shades of brown, but I was too tired to decipher them in order to figure out what he was feeling or thinking right then. “I don’t think you’re ready to hear my reasons for being here, Vi.”
“How did you even know?”
He placed a slice of bread on top of one of the sandwiches and cut it in half before picking it up and offering it to me. “Again, something you probably aren’t ready to discuss. Maybe tomorrow.”
I just looked at him, wondering what new hell I was living in, but he grasped my right hand and placed half of the sandwich in it before lifting it toward my mouth. “Eat. That baby girl will calm down a little if you feed her.”
“Y-you know I’m having a girl?” I asked in bewilderment.
He finished spreading mayo over the other two sandwiches and picked one up. After taking a bite, he chewed, seeming to give himself time to come up with an answer. “I know she likes it when her daddy reads to her at night. I know she likes the sound of her mom talking to her, because her kicks aren’t as hard, but she’s still just as active. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I already love her more than life itself because she is half you.”
I dropped the uneaten sandwich back onto the plate and started to slide off the island. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Yeah, babe. I really should be.” He moved so that I was blocked in against the island and picked up my food once again. This time, instead of placing it in my hand, he lifted it to my mouth himself. “Open,” he commanded.
“Luca, stop,” I snapped, turning my head away and pushing at his chest.
“That’s it, baby. Get pissed at me.” With his free hand, he stroked his thumb over my jaw. “Scream at me. Hit me. Cry. Get mad. Do whatever the hell you need to do to get it all out. I know you’re hurting. That your heart aches so bad it’s hard to breathe right now. I’m here to get you through this. So, use me as a punching bag. Yell in my face. Kick my ass physically or verbally—I don’t care. But you’re going to eat because this baby needs you to stay healthy for her.”
“Just tell me why you’re here!” I yelled, blinking back tears of the frustration that was mixing with my heartache. I couldn’t tell up from down, and Luca was only confusing me more.
“For you, Vi,” he said calmly, as if that explained everything.
“But why?” I cried, slapping my hands against his chest, trying to push him aside so I could get away. I wanted away from him, away from the pain I was feeling, away from the noise in my head that wouldn’t shut up.
“Let’s compromise,” he offered, still in that calm voice that at one time would have soothed me. “You eat, and I’ll answer a few of your questions.”
I muttered a curse but grabbed the sandwich from him and took an angry bite. I couldn’t taste it, but he seemed to relax a little when I started chewing. “Now, start talking.”
A sad smile teased at his lips, and he used his thumb
to wipe away a small smear of mayo from the corner of my mouth. But I wasn’t prepared for the words that left his mouth to pull the rug out from under my world all over again.
“Remington asked me to take care of you and the baby when he died.”
Chapter 44
Luca
The angry flames banked in Violet’s eyes didn’t distract from how red and swollen they were from all the tears she’d cried. But the way her nostrils flared while she glared up at me with that precious baby bump of hers made her look so adorable, all I wanted to do was kiss her until she didn’t remember why she was so sad to begin with.
But that wasn’t why I was there.
This wasn’t about winning her back or making her fall in love with me again. I hadn’t even allowed myself to fantasize about that possible outcome. It wasn’t right, and I wouldn’t let myself become that much of a bastard by dreaming of what could happen now that Remington had died.
I remembered that first meeting with him like it was yesterday, that shitty albeit fateful Monday back in October. I’d played the worst game of my life the day before, and everyone was furious with me. I’d cost my team the game because I’d been so pissed at the world that I couldn’t see straight, let alone play a decent game. I’d made mistakes left and right and then taken my frustration and anger out on the other team’s offense in ways I was ashamed of.
My coach, the general manager, and the team’s owner had called me into the owner’s office after practice, and I’d gone in with a chip still on my shoulder. The coach tore me a new asshole, and I’d stood there and taken it because I knew I deserved it. Then the GM and the owner started saying if I pulled that shit again, they were going to trade me so they didn’t have to deal with me and my attitude.
Still angry, I’d glared at the owner. “Do what you want. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
And I didn’t at the time. I didn’t care about anything. Not football or my career. Nothing and no one, not even myself. One stupid mistake had cost me everything I valued, and I was still paying for it. Seeing Violet in that beautiful wedding dress, walking through a hotel in Vegas with her best friend, had been the final nail in my coffin.
I really had lost her. There was no hope of ever getting her back now, and while I knew it was my own fault, I wanted someone else to blame. Someone else to punish and take my pain out on. So, I’d picked the entire world.
The years I’d patiently waited, giving her kind heart time to forgive me, had been in vain. I’d thought she would reach out to me one day, even just to tell me to go to hell. Then I could make my move. Tell her how much I’d missed her, how there had been no one in my life because I didn’t want to fuck up again in case I ever got a second chance. Then beg her to love me again. I didn’t think it would be easy, that I could just say a few sweet words and she would love me again. I would have to fight for my second chance and pray she would love me once more, even if it was only half of what she’d felt for me in the past, I’d take it and be thankful.