“Stop it,” I scolded myself as I blinked back the tears. “You’re just a hormonal pregnant woman who is reading too much into this shit.”
I had to repeat that to myself a few more times until I got to a message three weeks before Remington’s death.
She’s so stubborn, she drives me crazy. How did you handle that in the past? Make sure you work some magic on her when I die, or she’s never going to fall for you again.
“What the hell, Remi?” I growled and folded my arms over my chest. “Did you really tell him that? Fuck, you are such an asshole.”
Realizing I was talking to myself, I angrily scrolled through a few more messages.
Apparently my husband was keeping more than just his conversations with Luca from me. There were emails that were only a few lines long.
Had another seizure today. These headaches are getting unmanageable. I could barely even see straight afterward. She was out with Shaw looking at nursery furniture, so I didn’t have to worry her.
I swallowed a small sob and read the reply.
Feel better, man. Take it easy. You need to stick around as long as you can. Love Bug needs to meet you before you go.
Right under it was a reply that was time-stamped only minutes after Luca’s had been sent.
We both know that won’t happen. No matter how much I want to be here to hold my daughter, my time is almost up. You’ll have to give her a kiss for me. Tell her how beautiful she is every day. Never let her think she CAN’T do something. Make her understand how much I loved her and her mother, and turn her into a strong woman who can rule the world with just a glare.
It was suddenly hard to catch my breath until I read the two simple words that appeared only ten minutes after the last email had.
I promise.
That was all it said. Two words. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just a vow that I felt all the way to my heart and touched the deepest, darkest part of my soul that had been buried for years.
How could two words make me want to smack the hell out of Luca and then hug him until the pain in my heart eased?
Frustrated because I didn’t have the answer, I finished reading through the rest of the messages and realized Luca had been right. Remington did expect Luca and me to be together. Eventually. There were emails telling Luca what to say to me when I started feeling guilty about moving on, what Luca should tell me when he asked me to marry him. One said Remington knew I was going to cry on my wedding day, but to just tell me how much he loved me and was happy that I was happy again.
It was as if he could foresee every major event that was going to pop up between now and the rest of my forever, and he wanted me to know it was okay.
Even though it was right there in front of me, I couldn’t let myself believe that my husband was giving me his blessing to move on without him. To take time to grieve him, but to let myself be happy with someone else.
And not just any someone.
My ex. He’d approached Luca, planned for another man to be there for me and our baby girl when he died.
To take his fucking place.
Why?
I’d never made him question my feelings for him…had I? Had I done something to make him wonder if I was still in love with Luca? No, I’d told him that I wasn’t in love with Luca anymore, and it was the truth. How could I possibly love another man when I was so in love with Remington?
All right, so it was Luca—but I’d given up on the two of us a long, long time ago. There shouldn’t have been any reason why Remington would seek out Luca to set all of this up. I didn’t love Luca.
I didn’t.
So what that he was the only one who’d been able to make my heart the least little bit happy since Remington’s death? It wasn’t like it meant anything. He was just my friend, not the guy I’d once imagined spending my entire life with.
In a house like the one I was in right at that moment.
Having a baby he would love just as much as I did.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper-shouted as I turned off the computer and practically ran back to my room.
Krush didn’t even lift his head when I dropped back down onto the bed and curled up behind him. It was after three in the morning at this point, and I still couldn’t sleep. All I could do was see all those emails and question every reply between the two men.