“Can I have a sandwich, Aunt Flick?” Lexa asked as she looked at the two plates cautiously. Having a nut allergy had given the little girl a reason to question everything she put into her mouth.
“Of course you can, baby. Me and your momma made these ourselves.”
“You look like you got this lot under control. I’m going to go grab a sandwich,” I told Flick as I backed out of the room.
“Sure. Don’t worry about us. I’ve got these two. Take your time.” She gave me a sad smile. “Get some fresh air too. I’m sure you feel suffocated right now. Just go out through the kitchen. From what Hawk said, Bates is still dicking around out front.”
I gave her a nod, because I really did need some fresh air, but more than anything, I just needed to see Raider. I didn’t want to turn back into the girl who had done nothing but follow Raider Hannigan around like a lost little puppy. Didn’t want to become the girlfriend who constantly checked up on her boyfriend. But right then, that was exactly what I felt like I was doing.
As I entered the main room, I glanced around both in search of Raider and any of my three sisters. I had been able to avoid them for the most part since everyone had been put on lockdown and stuck inside the clubhouse. I’d mostly stayed in Raider’s or Colt’s room throughout the day because my morning sickness was still hanging on. Plus, I didn’t have the energy these days to deal with their bitchiness.
I spotted Heather sitting on one of the couches with one of the MC brothers. They were sitting close, but with all the kids running around, they both knew better than to play around like they normally would have if it was just the brothers in residence. Amanda was sitting on the floor with a few of the other sheep. They were all still openly crying and leaning on each other.
There was no sign of Whitney. My stomach churned when I didn’t see Raider either. Jealousy and uncertainty filled me, but I tried to push down my old insecurities. Raider said he loved me, and I believed him…
Mostly.
Years of being pushed away, of watching him with every other female and ignoring me weren’t going to evaporate from my memory bank overnight. Or even in a few days. Hell, maybe not even in a few years. But I loved him, and we were having a child together. I wanted to at least give this a chance.
Give him a chance.
I walked through the main room and entere
d the kitchen. The place was empty of people, and considering the platters of sandwiches were still untouched, I was pretty sure Raven had told everyone to stay out of the kitchen for now. I washed my hands, put two sandwiches and a few carrot sticks on a paper plate, and then walked outside to eat.
Smoke was still in the air, but at least the worst of it had faded. I could hear loud voices from the front parking lot and the beeping of a truck backing up, and I figured the wrecker had finally arrived to take away what was left of Matt’s truck.
Pain stabbed through my chest as the realization that Tanner and Warden were really gone hit me all over again. I sat down on one of the old picnic tables and put my face in my hands. Neither one of them would ever come into the diner and tease me again. I wouldn’t see their faces, hear their voices ever again.
I’d lost plenty of people I’d loved over the years, the last being my mother to cancer, but it never got easier to handle. You never grew a tough enough skin over your heart to protect you from the pain of losing someone you cared about.
“Quinn…?” Raider’s voice was hesitant, and I lifted my eyes to see him crouching down beside me. Concern darkened his green eyes, and he cupped my cheek, wiping away a stream of tears that was flooding down my face. “Sweetheart, don’t cry.”
“S-sorry,” I muttered, pulling back so I could wipe away my tears with the hem of my shirt. “It just hit me all over again that they’re gone.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything. For several minutes, we were both quiet. I felt shy with him for some reason and kept my gaze on something off in the distance, but I could feel his eyes on me. I didn’t know what to say to him. He had lost two men who were like brothers to him and I knew he was hurting, but I had no words to offer that could ease the pain.
“Colt and Kelli left,” he finally said, breaking the awkward silence between us.
I nodded. “He came and told me bye.”
“He might be gone a while.”
“Yeah, that’s what he said.” I wanted to ask him what was going on, why Colt had left with Kelli when he never took her on runs. The MC never took any female on a run, ever. Not even Raven. But I knew my words would just be a waste of breath.
“I’m glad you’re eating,” he said as he moved to sit beside me. He straddled the bench, sitting close enough that I was practically between his legs. Pushing the hair back from my face, he kissed my temple. “What’s wrong, baby?”
I gave him a tight smile. “It’s just been a long day.”
His green gaze trapped mine, refusing to let me look away, but something in his eyes eased my tension a little. “I wish I could have stayed in bed with you earlier, but I needed to help out my brothers. Something came up…” He clenched his jaw as he trailed off, as if biting back the words. I couldn’t help wondering if maybe he had been about to tell me club business. “If it hadn’t been important, I wouldn’t have left you.”
“I know and I understand. I wouldn’t want you to pick me over them no matter what.”
His eyes narrowed. “It wasn’t about picking you over them. You come first with me. Always.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.” I blew out a frustrated sigh. “I just… I understand that you had things that needed your attention.”
“Still love me?”