“That’s whacked. You don’t know any of that’ll happen. What if-”
“I’m going.” She pushes past me and leaves. I follow her to the front door.
“When are you moving back in here?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” She eyes the pregnancy test now sitting beside my dinner plate and the sadness on her face – I feel it in my gut.
“It might be better to stay with my dad.” Her mouth contorts sourly but she tries to hide it. She doesn’t want to live with her father.
“I want us to talk about this,” I try.
“No, No!” She’s lost her temper now. She points at me and raises her voice. “You haven’t had any sort of come-to-Jesus moment. You’re not explaining yourself, talking to me about your life and your thoughts, explaining anything about your life to me - you’re just standing there talking in circles with me so that I give in and you still give me nothing. I’ll see you when I see you. If you need anything related to my job, please text and I’ll take care of it. I’ll be back tomorrow to clean.”
“The place is spotless. Are you saying I didn’t clean it well?” I try for a joke.
She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t even smile. Her face falls further.
I’m fucking this up and I can’t make myself fix it.
“I’m saying it’s my job to clean it. And that’s what I’m gonna do. Again, please don’t fire me. Goodnight.”
She storms out and I’m furious with myself. I choked. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what I want to say. Because I have no fucking idea what I want to say.
I’m broken. I’m fucked up. I’m so fucking into you that I can’t find the words to convey it.
I am so into her.
I have to get my fuckin’ foot out of my mouth and find a way to talk to her. Tell her I read more from the smut file that’s not only smut, but that I want the ending. And I have to tell her the shit that’s been eating me up, so she’ll know that’s why I’m fucked up right now.
I decide to follow her. I jog down the hall to catch up.
“What are you doing?” she asks when I stop the closing elevator door with my hand and get in.
“I’m making sure I get you into a cab.”
“Andrew can do that.”
I growl. “Fuckin’ Andrew. I’ll get you a goddamn cab.”
“Why are you rippin’ on Andrew?” she demands.
“You know why,” I lean in.
She rolls her eyes. “You’re so off base.”
The doors open and we’re looking at him sitting there at his desk eyeballing us.
I want to rip his face off.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey,” I say and follow her out, crowding her with my arm around her.
She shrugs me off and it has me steaming.
“Everything okay?” Andrew rounds his desk and follows.
“Yeah, I’m just going home. Austin’s apparently getting me a taxi.”
Andrew looks at me skeptically.
“I’m not sure this body language he’s got right now makes me feel comfortable,” Andrew says to her like I’m not even here.
“Are you fucking kidding me here?” I snap.
“You’re acting awfully aggressive right now, Austin,” Andrew says condescendingly.
“Listen asshole,” I shove him. “Back off.”
“Whoa, stop it.” Jada gets between us.
“One phone call and you lose your job,” I warn. “You’re outta line.”
“I’m out of line for asking a question when I see someone acting aggressive toward someone I’m concerned about? Not sure how that’s out of line. Certainly not like shoving someone for making an observation.”
“Why did you let that redhead up without buzzing me?”
“What redhead? The one who just left in the stilettos? I don’t know when she got here.”
He’s full of shit.
I point at him. “You’re full of shit. You let her up hoping she causes shit with Jada and me.”
I turn to follow Jada, but she’s gone. I see a cab pulling away from the curb.
Fuck.
“Fuck you, Andrew,” I growl and storm back to the elevator, which is still sitting there so it takes me back upstairs.
He says nothing. I glare at him as the doors close.
Yeah, he’s saying nothing because Jada isn’t here to hear it.
49
Jada
It’s been a week since I walked out on Austin’s beef Wellington. I haven’t seen or talked to him, but I have been to the apartment twice to do my job. He even left me a note asking me to buy a new vacuum for the apartment. Apparently he broke the other one.
He shouldn’t be cleaning the apartment, doing my job, but I said nothing, just ordered the new one with the company credit card and put a checkmark in the margin of his note.
Right now I’m at the kitchen table at my father’s house and I’m still in shock over how today went.
I got a call a few days ago from a lawyer who told me my employer, Carmichael Consulting, referred me as part of their EAP, their Employee Assistance Program. I’m entitled to legal services up to an amount approved by my employer, so he’s given me a phone consultation to get things started, saying they’d send a quote to my human resources department and let me know what’s covered.