Do I want that?
Do I?
I listen to him breathe for a moment. His breathing is heavy, like mine. He’s still against me, his nose behind my ear. His lips touching the ridge near my lobe.
“You shouldn’t have looked at my computer,” I whisper. Tears brim in my eyes.
“It was a fluke. My elbow grazed your keyboard while I was eating. I saw my name,” he says. “And a few minutes later, the word smut.”
He’s leaned up against me now. He’s moved in.
“How could I not look?” he asks.
I gulp.
Is this really happening?
“Well?” he asks.
“Well, what?”
“You gonna bend forward and take your punishment?” he asks.
His voice is so stern.
“Austin,” I whisper.
“That’s Master Groucho to you, Little Miss Sweetheart,” he says and then my earlobe is in his mouth.
His hot, sexy mouth.
I hear the clink of my stud earring against his teeth.
My eyes drift closed and I lean back into his heat.
“I’ve been an asshole to you. I want to apologize,” he then says, mouth still against my ear.
My body goes rigid.
“Some shit has been goin’ on in my life that’s been… rough.”
“I know the feeling,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I say nothing.
“So, can we forget that?” he asks.
I shake my head, and as I’m doing that, I’m melting more into him, absorbing the scent of him, the heat of him; the amazing way this feels.
God, the way this feels…
“Can we try? I’ll start. I’m Austin.” His hand snakes up from my hip to band across my belly. “Austin Carmichael. It’s really nice to finally meet you.”
The way he says finally is as if he’s wanted this for a long time. I’m confused.
He’s got me in a back to front embrace and it feels like I suddenly have something I want that I didn’t even know I wanted.
It’s been so freaking long since a man has held me.
My hand lands on his wrist. He stiffens. He might be expecting me to pull his hand off. I don’t. I run my palm along his forearm for a beat before turning around in his arms and looking up at him. Now his hands are wrapped around my lower back.
“No. I can’t forget that.”
He looks down at me and he looks hurt.
Seeing that expression on his face is dangerous because it makes me feel something – something that makes me want to give him what he wants. Anything he wants. Everything he wants.
“I have to explain why I can’t,” I say.
The spot between his eyebrows wrinkles and he swallows.
He looks so vulnerable looking at me right now. And it’s a good look on him.
“All the bad stuff that happened to me was bad. Like, extra-bad. But I’m the type of girl who has bad stuff happen and just never defends herself. I’m the kind of girl who has always, always put my own self last. I never speak my mind to stand up for myself. Never. That’s why my brother did what he did. He wasn’t afraid of the consequences because I’m always such a push-over. And with you, I somehow did. I defended myself. You didn’t believe me, thought I was a piece of crap, but that’s not the point. The point is that I actually stood up for myself. And then I kept on doing it, even though it was really not smart because you could toss me out and I’d be screwed. But you didn’t. And I felt like… like I got stronger.”
He caresses my face. His expression is now soft. So soft. Also a good look on him.
“Stronger with every argument,” I add, leaning into his palm.
God, he’s attractive.
“Jada, there’s a lot of shit going on for me right now, too, and it’s made me act like somebody I’ve never been. Like you, I often bottle shit up that pisses me off. It also felt good to let it fly without worrying so much about ramifications. Though, that makes me a complete asshole because those ramifications were your feelings. I’m sorry.”
I swallow.
“I think I also tried to push you away, because I didn’t want to want you.”
I bite my lip.
“But I do,” he says.
I lift my hands and rest them on his chest.
“I wanna kiss you,” he tells me.
I nod and watch as he moves in before my eyes drift shut as his lips touch mine. God, this is amazing.
He deepens the kiss and now he’s holding my ponytail. Man, that’s sexy.
And I know he’s sampled the dinner I can see here beside the laptop because I catch it in the kiss. I also know that he tastes incredible.
“Kiss you and spank you,” he whispers.
My face heats and I hide it in his chest.
“And do other dirty things to you,” he adds into the top of my hair.
Oh my God. I can’t believe this is happening.
He tips my chin up again.
“You’ve been hiding from me all week?” he asks.