Beyond the Sea

I finished the entire large bowl of stew, which wasn’t surprising. I was always hungry. A side effect of living in a house that never seemed to have enough food in it. And if there was food, I normally wasn’t allowed to eat it. I had to fend for myself, which was difficult when you didn’t have any proper income. I’d tried finding a part-time job in town, but they were all taken, or they conflicted with my school hours.

I remembered the money Noah paid me to accompany him to the school the other day and wondered if I should use it to buy some essentials. I was almost out of shampoo and bodywash. I’d run out before and had to use a bar of soap to wash myself, which made my skin and hair unbelievably dry. I also needed sanitary towels and deodorant. These days it felt like I was always running out of something.

Tomorrow after school I’d stop by the shop in town and buy some things.

***

The following morning, I woke up at my usual hour and headed to the bathroom to get ready. I twisted the door handle, but strangely, it was locked. Normally, I was the first person awake in the house, but maybe Noah was up early. Then again, I hadn’t heard him come back last night.

I knocked twice on the door. “Is someone in there?”

I paused to listen, but it was completely silent. No running water. No sound of anyone moving around inside. I knocked again, but still there was no response, no sound at all. Then, my mind went back to that moment yesterday after school, when Vee had given me a particular kind of look when she spotted me on the back of Noah’s motorbike. It was a look that said there’d be a price to pay, and it seemed this was how I was paying it. It wasn’t enough to simply warn me away from Noah again. She had to make a point.

And she’d made it by locking me out of the only bathroom in the house I had access to.

Anger simmered inside me. I wanted to scream put I held it in.

Patience, Estella. Just a few more months and all this will be a distant, forgotten memory.

A lump formed in my throat as I took a deep breath and returned to my room. I wouldn’t let Vee get to me. If she wanted to play her cruel games, then the least I could do was give her no reaction. I put on some clean underwear and my uniform. I managed to wash my face and brush my teeth at the kitchen sink, but I still felt gross. I needed a bath. A shower would be preferable, but like I mentioned, the only shower in the house was in Vee’s en-suite, and I was expressly forbidden from using it.

I kept my fingers crossed she’d unlock the bathroom before I got home. Maybe her punishment was just for one morning. I could use the showers next to the gym at school, but those had black mould growing between the tiles, and the water was always freezing cold.

No, I’d keep that as a last resort if it came to it.

When I reached the school, I rushed to the bathroom, practically busting since I had to hold my pee since I woke up. The relief was astounding. I exited the stall, washed my hands and went to go see Aoife by her locker. She waggled her eyebrows when she saw me approach.

“Well, tell me everything that happened with Noah yesterday after you left the school. I want details.” She said his name in an excited, sing-song voice, and I felt bad to inform her nothing at all titillating had unfolded. At least that was what I kept telling myself. I was trying my hardest to block out the way he’d looked at me when he’d touched my hair, or how good he smelled, how nice his warmth was when my arms were wrapped around his waist. But most of all, it was the concern in his eyes when he mentioned how down I’d seemed the other day. The idea of him caring about me like that made me feel all fluttery inside.

Vee had told me to stay away from Noah. I didn’t necessarily want to follow her rules, but if it meant avoiding being locked out of the bathroom every morning then I’d do it. Anything for a peaceful life.

“Um, I’m not sure these are the details you’re expecting, but he brought me to see Geary’s Hole.”

Aoife’s forehead crinkled. “Outside of town? That place gives me the creeps. I always worry the wind will pick up, and I’ll get blown down into the hole.”

“Eww, keep what you do in your spare time to yourself, Aoife,” came a voice and my chest tightened. Sally was a snake, always slithering silently nearby, listening in.