“So, huh?” I said to Fang when the others were gone.
He shook his head, stuffing the remaining bandages back into his pack. “Yeah. Surprise.”
“How long has she been sitting on this? Why hasn’t it come up before?”
“Because she’s six and more concerned with her stuffed bear and her dog? I don’t know. Plus, we don’t even know if she understood what she heard. There’s a chance she got it wrong.”
I thought for a moment. “Even if aspects of it are wrong, I don’t see how she could misunderstand the whole blowing-up-the-world concept. And the fact that we were designed to outlast a catastrophe. It fits in with what Jeb keeps telling me.”
Fang let out a breath. “So what now?”
“I don’t know. I need to think.”
We were silent for a while. My arm was throbbing.
“So what was that about?” Fang said finally.
I couldn’t pretend to not know what he was talking about. “I’m just—really tired. The Voice was ragging on me about my destiny and how I have to get on the stick about saving the world. It just feels like too much sometimes.” I never would have admitted that to the others. Sure, I could tell them that things were getting to me, but let them know I wasn’t sure I could handle it? No way.
“I’ve been running on adrenaline, without a master plan. Every day it’s just, keep the flock safe, keep us together. But now everything else has been dumped on me, all these bits and pieces that aren’t adding up to a whole picture, and it’s too much.”
“Pieces like Ari and Jeb and Anne and the Voice?”
“Yeah. Everything. Everything that’s happened to us since we left home. I don’t know what to do, and it’s so freaking hard even pretending that I do.”
“Walk away from it,” Fang said. “Let’s find an island. Drop off the screen.”
“That sounds really good,” I said slowly. “But we’d have to get the others on board. I’m pretty sure the younger kids still really want to find their parents. And now I want to find out what this company is that Angel heard about. What if—you do research on an island possibility and I’ll focus on this other stuff?” It was the closest I’d ever come to sharing my role as leader. Actually, it didn’t feel so bad.
“Yeah, cool,” Fang said.
For a few minutes we watched Angel and the Gasman playing in the shallow surf. I was amazed they weren’t cold, but they seemed fine. Iggy and Nudge were walking down the beach. Nudge was putting different-shaped shells in Iggy’s hands so he could feel them. I wanted time to freeze here, right here, right now, forever.
There was something I needed to say. “Sorry. About before.”
Fang shot a sideways glance at me, his eyes dark and inscrutable, as always. He looked back out at the water. I didn’t expect any more acknowledgment than that. Fang never—
“You almost gave me a heart attack,” he said quietly. “When I saw you, and all that blood . . .” He threw a small rock as hard as he could down the beach.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do it again,” he said.
I swallowed hard. “I won’t.”
Something changed right then, but I didn’t know what.
“Hey!” said Angel, standing up in knee-high water. “I can talk to fish!”
That wasn’t it.
105
“You can what?” I called, getting up and walking toward the water.
“I can talk to fish!” Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body.
“Ask one over for dinner,” Fang said, joining us.