Her eyes flared just enough to show me what I wanted to see. Desire. Winter was turned on by my words. So responsive. So sensual. Completely mine.
"And be able to read your emotions if I'm lucky. You are so beautiful across my lap right now. I need to enjoy my view for a moment."
"Me too," she said, settling her head and neck to a comfortable position, probably because being situated directly above my hardening cock was requiring an adjustment on her part. "I love my view." She stared at me, her pretty green eyes studying me as intently as I was studying her.
Every time the word "love" came out of her mouth, my heart zinged me with a jolt that bordered on pain. Jesus, I was so lost already, and all we'd done was some eye-fucking in the back seat of a limo. Time to up the ante, though, because I'd go crazy if I didn't know more. "So, you want to tell me about not being a virgin?" I asked carefully, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
She blushed, but didn't hedge my question. "Only a few times, and only ever with Chris. He wasn't all about the sex in the beginning and said we should wait until it felt right. Later on, after Dad got sick and our relationship started to suffer, he changed."
HOW the fuck she'd never been with anyone but that moron was a true mystery. "Changed how?"
"He began pressing me for sex all of a sudden, but only at certain times. It took me a minute to figure it out, but I caught on to what he was trying to do."
"Which was?" I asked. Oh, I had a very good idea exactly what that piece of shit was trying to do.
"Hoping to get me pregnant so I would agree to marry him."
Not a surprise, but it made me furious to imagine him attempting to impregnate a grieving girl at a horribly vulnerable time. The cocksucker figured out early on about her trust fund and its requirements for an early release. "Shelton was lucky he didn't get jail time with what he pulled taking you away after your father's funeral. Did he hurt you when he took you to that cabin in Vermont?" If the answer is yes, then his miserable excuse for a life is over.
"Hurt me? No." She shook her head quickly. "We were together at the cabin, which I am sure he thought might get him to his goal, but I'd ditched birth control pills in favor of a Depo shot after my pills were lost a second time." She frowned in annoyance and closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk abou
t him anymore. Chris was just another guy in a long line of guys whose interest in me was financial over personal. The sex was barely memorable and the reason for my inexperience. I've never been with anyone who just wants me for who I am." I should have stepped up a long time ago.
"And who are you?" I asked, curious for her answer.
"Just a girl whose last name is Blackstone…who doesn't want her name to be what matters most to someone." I heard sadness in her answer, and it made me even more determined to get this right with her.
"Open your eyes, beautiful."
They fluttered open, finding mine.
"That's all about to change tonight," I said, bringing a hand between us to settle behind her neck. "I want you, and I'd never try to trap you into marriage with a pregnancy or anything you didn't want. Was done to me and it's fucked up."
"Leah did that to you?"
"Yeah, she pulled the whole 'I'm pregnant' bullshit, but neglected to tell me the father was someone else. I mean, I wanted to legitimize my child of course, but her betrayal left me blindsided so badly I…I needed a reset. I couldn't go back to my life how it had been when I was with her." It still burned now to even talk about it, but with Winter I didn't feel the need for keeping secrets. Anyone else I'd happily lie to, saying whatever to make him or her think I came out of my relationship with Leah unscathed, which I definitely hadn't. But I had absolutely no desire to lie to Winter. We weren't about lies and never had been.
"What she did to you was horrible, James. It bothered me so fucking much. I hated how she treated you, but I didn't know what to say or do at the time that could've possibly helped." She brought a gloved finger to my lips and traced them top to bottom slowly, the silk threads catching on my beard stubble as her finger moved. "I wished so badly I could help you then."
"I'm so glad you didn't try." Fuck. I hated to think of what really stupid shit I might have done five years ago when I was out of my mind with anger and rage.
"Why are you glad?"
"Because back then I wasn't fit to be in the same company as your sweet, nineteen-year-old, innocent self. I wouldn't have brought you into my hell for anything. Truly. I let darkness rule me for a while until I found a path of least destruction. At least it felt a lot like it at the time. Changes were made in my life, I left my dad's firm, started my own, and eventually settled into a…situation… that worked for me."
I studied her expression for any signs that she'd caught my small reveal about the "darkness ruling me" but she didn't react as if she did. Winter listened to me in her typical nonjudgmental fashion, a skill she'd perfected in the course of being a social worker I imagine. She had always been a good listener now that I thought about it. Mostly she was just a good person. So much better than me.
"Until about six months ago," I added, trying to move our conversation along to something more pleasant.
"Oh? What changed six months ago?" Her grin gave away she knew the answer. Little tease. How I'd love to paddle her ass for that sass.
"This gorgeous girl moved into my building, and I started to spend a lot of time thinking about her in her apartment, which just happens to be right below mine."
Her whole face lit up as her grin became a full-on smile. She looked like she had a lot to say, but whatever was on her mind remained a mystery as I cradled her in my lap.
I wanted—no, needed to kiss her again. I mostly wanted her spread out naked, so I could take my time with kissing every inch of her. And I did mean every single inch.
Anticipation and worry engaged in an epic warfare inside my brain. I wasn't used to feeling this out of control—something I never experienced while hooking-up with—