Letting her walk away before was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But keeping her with me now? Forever?
Well, that’s going to be the easiest thing in the world.
8
Abby
For however rough the loft is, Colm’s done a lot to make it more homey. Better, warmer lighting. Cozy furniture. And big, fluffy towels in the bathroom. He’s already dried off and padded out of the bathroom, after both of us soaping each other down. But I linger, hugging the towel around me and beaming to myself. The steam from the shower lingers too, surrounding me in foggy heat.
It’s so good to be back to the place we were before. For a long time, I hated him. Or, I told myself I hated him. For forcing me to choose sanity over the madness of living with a fixer for the mob. For disappearing on me. But then, I was just sad. And I guess it’s this sad sort of anger that I’ve been clinging to for months.
And it was six months of all sorts of doubts. Had what we had ever meant anything to him? Did I ever really know him? Did he miss me when he left?
…Was there someone else?
I’ll admit, as pathetic as it sounds, that was a big one. I mean, Colm is the kind of man to turn heads. Turn heads and drop panties, for that matter. And “free” of me, and out there, God knows where? Yeah, there were a lot of nights alone where I wondered if he was alone too. Or rather, I wondered if he wasn’t.
Even now, being back with him, the thought rankles in me, souring my thoughts as I scowl into the steamed-up mirror. But I groan, rolling my eyes at myself.
“Stop being pathetic,” I mutter to myself. For one, with the way he looks at me, and the way he’s always looked at me, there wouldn’t have been another girl. There couldn’t have been. And if there was?
I frown, biting my lip hard as I look down at my hands.
Well, if there was, that’s kind of on me. However much his decisions forced me into it, I was the one who walked out that day.
I sigh, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself as I push those thoughts away.
No. Whatever happened before, it’s just him and I now. And that’s how it’s going to stay. Whatever his mysterious “plans” are? I’ll take them in stride. Even if they involve staying with the Lucretas? Fuck it, fine. We’ll make that work. Even before, I knew it wasn’t that he was purposefully choosing work over me. It was just the reality of the life he’d fallen into. I knew even back before that he wanted to get out of it. There just wasn’t a way to do it. You don’t just “quit” being a fixer for the mob, after all. There’s no two week notice or retirement party.
Not for that life.
I shake my head. A fixer for the mob. I know, it’s not exactly every girl’s fantasy to grow up and find her “hitman” charming instead of a prince. But he’s the prince I found, and I wouldn’t change that for the world, even with what’s happened. With us, it was one look and we were done. I knew he was the one the day I met him, working at that bar. They day he stopped the guy from jumping behind the bar after me sealed the deal.
Every day after that was another promise of forever.
Even when he told me flat out what he did one day, it never shook me off. Okay, there was that wild thrill of knowing just how dangerous the man I was sharing my bed with really was. This filthy, dirty, primal spike of adrenaline knowing that the guy I’d found wasn’t just a “bad boy type.” He was legit the real deal.
And yet, I was never scared of him. I was just scared for him. And later, I was scared for us.
I close my eyes, a flash of anger for the last six months washing over me. But I take a breath, and slowly, I let it go. And when I open my eyes again, the feeling is gone.
Because now? There’s only us, and only the future that lies ahead of us. Him and I, and whatever comes next. And that’s all I need.
I wrap the towel around myself and open the bathroom door, stepping out into the side hall that leads to the open loft area of his place. I can hear his voice, and as I step out, I see him on his cell phone, his back to me.
“I told you, she’s in the other room.”
I pause, frowning.
“No, I haven’t told her yet.” He swears. “That’s none of your fucking business.”
Something cold shivers down my back.