“Up for what?” he asks, looking concerned like I might have missed something important.
“I missed some calls,” I volunteer, trying to sound like it’s not a big deal, but as usual, once Wes is right in front of me everything else just fades away.
“Me too,” he says and rolls his eyes. “Seems like our little friend from yesterday has a big mouth, and an itchy phone finger,” he adds.
I feel that knot in my belly tighten.
“What do you mean?” I ask, needing to find a chair to sit on, my legs wobbly from last night as well as knowing what’s probably coming.
“Nothing you need to worry about,” he tells me, taking a seat next to me and putting his arm around me.
“Just the Dean of the college and your Professor, blowing smoke up my ass,” he sighs.
“What’s gonna happen, Wes?” I ask him, suddenly worrying I won’t be strong enough to stand up to these people on my own.
Wes won’t always be right next to me. At some point I’m gonna have the Professor and who knows who else breathing down my neck, asking all sorts of questions.
“Well,” he says thoughtfully, “I thought we could have some leftovers. Maybe head up to my place in the hills, see how you feel about staying there. It’s not that far, from campus I mean.”
He’s not kidding either, but I can’t help but feel annoyed.
“Dammit Wes, this is serious. How can you be so offhand about the whole thing?” I ask him, almost shouting.
“Offhand? About what, us?” he asks me, growing serious in a second.
“Katelyn, I meant it when I said I’d follow you anywhere. Do whatever it takes to see you happy and doing what you love because I love you. Remember when I said that?” he asks, just a hint of frustrated sarcasm in his voice.
“Sorry,” he adds quickly. “But you know what I said and you know how I feel. Don’t let a few naysayers spoil this for us, Katelyn.”
I know he means well, he really does and I believe Wes. I really do.
“It’s Professor Bernstein who’s in charge of my postgraduate research, Wes. A word from him or the Dean… my whole career could be over before it even starts. Yours too,” I add for effect.
He looks hurt, turning away before he says something else.
I don’t want to make him angry or hurt him, but I don’t think Wes really understands the situation I’m in now.
“I-I don’t have anything, Wes. I don’t have money or a place to live. I don’t have a family or even any friends,” I stammer, my voice cracking with emotion.
“My whole life up until yesterday was that college, campus life, and my research grant. Another three years after that? A job somewhere, hopefully. Maybe even being a teacher myself,” I blub, willing myself not to cry and failing miserably.
Wes opens his arms and I sink into them, needing them around me more than ever now.
“You still have all those things, Katelyn. You have the college and you’ll have the career ahead of you that you create, not just what one research grant’s gonna bring you,” he says calmly.
“I don’t know everything about your life, but I do know what it’s like to not have anyone,” he adds.
“What do you mean?” I ask. “You’ve got me.”
“I know I do,” he smiles. “I mean I know what it’s like to not have anyone growing up. To not have a family.”
I open my mouth to say something, anything but he kisses me gently instead.
“Don’t worry yourself about it all now. We’ve got a lot longer than this weekend to get to know everything there is to know about Wes and Katelyn,” he assures me.
My interest is piqued though, he’s right. There’s so much we don’t know about each other, but at the same time, I trust Wes more than anything, even more than myself.
It feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives.
“Just tell me this, Katelyn,” he asks. “Do you want the family you never had? Can you see yourself giving, loving, and teaching little ones of your own, making their life perfect just by being there?” he asks a little firmer.
He turns away again for a moment, but I catch the strain in his voice, the silver line at the corner of his eye.
“Do I want the family I never had?” I repeat back to him, absently running a hand over my belly and wondering it aloud because I’ve never heard it put so simply before.
I guess I’ve always dissolved myself in my studies, even those romance novels, all because it’s a way of channeling myself into something.
Putting all of me into something so it works. Every time I thought about boys or relationships I always told myself I was no good. That no one would have me.