Shaking my head slightly, I tuck her hair behind her ear. I tell her, “No sweetie. ” Her shoulders slump, so I continue, “But sometimes when I dress up really nice I feel like one. ”
Her eye widen and she whispers, “Me, too. Can we be princesses one day?”
Without hesitation I answer, “Absolutely. ” This is important to her for some reason.
Eyes still wide, she looks to the floor and whispers slowly, “Cool. ”
She is so small and sweet. I want to hug her. So I do.
I wrap her small frame in my arms and hug her. I lean down to her ear and whisper, “You don’t have to be a real princess to feel like one. I’ll show you someday. ”
She returns my hug briefly, takes the game console from Max, and wheels herself out of the room.
I turn to Max, grab hold of his hand and state, “I love her. ”
Max pats my hand holding his and smiles as he boasts, “She has that effect on people. ”
“You must be so proud,” I say. My voice is a little thick.
His face turns serious but answers with a soft voice, “I am, doll. I really am. ”
***
Tina holds onto Max’s hand and I feel a swell of emotion in my chest.
Max has been through a lot over the past nine years. He was in love with a good woman. We don’t see Maddy anymore. Actually, we haven’t seen her since Ceecee was about one and a half.
Ceecee was born an extremely healthy little girl. She wasn’t planned but Max loved Maddy so much that he would’ve done anything to make her happy. They eventually both fell in love with the idea of a baby. Max was twenty four and strutting like a peacock when Maddy wound up pregnant. He liked the idea of being a dad.
When Maddy brought Ceecee home from the hospital she was soon after diagnosed with postpartum depression. She wasn’t bonding with Ceecee and would sometimes leave her in her crib for hours without a feed or changing of her diaper.
Mom stepped in and they moved into the family home. Mom gave Maddy an ultimatum. Either she would go to counselling or Mom would call child services on her. Yep, Mom pulled out the big guns.
Months passed and Maddy was getting better. She was making more of an effort, playing with Ceecee, bathing her and putting her to bed at night. Mom was over the moon.
Ceecee was fourteen months old when the accident happened.
Mom was now confident enough to leave Maddy with Ceecee so she left them both at home to go to the grocery store for an hour. What Mom returned to would change us forever.
Ceecee was crying so hard on the kitchen floor she was blue in the face. Maddy was cowering in a corner with her hands pulling at her hair. Mom called an ambulance and was told by the phone operator not to touch Ceecee. Mom was hysterically crying when she went to take a closer look at Ceecee. There was no blood but her little body was twisted at an awkward angle.
It turns out Maddy was getting lunch ready for Ceecee and put her up on the kitchen counter. Maddy turned to the refrigerator for just a second.
Ceecee fell back off the counter and severed her spine when she hit a stool on the way down.
Can you imagine the pain that little girl was in?
We don’t talk about Maddy. Ceecee has asked about her a lot. She knows her Mom’s name and that her Dad doesn’t like to talk about her. That’s it.
Max refuses to talk about her but about a year ago he came to me for name of a top private investigator. He wanted to find out where Maddy was.
We found out that Maddy had turned herself in to the police before being placed in a rehabilitation facility. She was never charged with neglect and child endangerment because the courts found she was mentally ill. Maddy lives in Arizona with a husband and their two children, both boys. When Max heard this last bit of information, he went gonzo. He was a wreck for a long time after Maddy left.
I never held Maddy responsible for what happened to Ceecee. As far as we all knew, it really was a horrible accident. And one she will be living with for the rest of her life. I’m sure she left Max out of guilt.
What kind of person wouldn’t have guilt? After all, she almost killed her daughter.
I love Ceecee like she was my own. I would do anything to keep my Cricket happy.