“And… will you see him again?” She’d thought of Matthew, standing so close to her in the hall, asking her the same question. Why, oh why, had she been such a ninny about it? Why couldn’t she just have said yes, two o’clock on Sunday, we’ll go for a walk?
“He’s taking me to Rainbow Corner on Friday,” Sophie had said as she began to button up a fresh blouse.
“Oh.” Lily couldn’t keep the disappointment from swooping emptily in her stomach. No double date this time, then. That much was obvious.
“Are you missing your little sergeant?” Sophie had teased. “He is a dark one. Do you know, Tom doesn’t really know him at all? I asked about him for you, but he hadn’t much to say. Only that he’d met him on the boat over, and the good sergeant never says much. Keeps himself to himself, and talks a bit funny too—have you noticed? Almost as if he’s some sort of lisp he’s trying to hide.”
“He doesn’t have a lisp,” Lily had returned fiercely. “Far from it. He speaks very clearly. Very precisely.”
“Exactly. He’s too precise, don’t you think? As if he’s trying too hard. Anyway, Tom thinks he’s a bit queer. He wouldn’t call him his friend, certainly. I’m not sure he even really likes him.” She had spoken matter-of-factly, but Lily had still been stung.
“I’m not at all certain that Sergeant Lawson would call Lieutenant Reese his friend either,” she had retorted, but Sophie had only hooted with laughter.
“Listen to you! I’ve got your back up, haven’t I? Well, I’m only trying to give you fair warning. Tom said he’s often missing at times when he shouldn’t be, but, for some reason, no one seems to bat an eye. And he doesn’t have any real friends, except for a bloke named Guy, who’s just the same.”
“Tom sounds envious.”
“Envious?” Sophie had let out a scornful laugh. “Of what?” It was so obvious that Sophie thought Tom Reese was the better man, the better catch. Lily’s chest had burned with the effrontery of it. Tom Reese, she suspected, was all brash swagger and shallow charm. Nothing he’d done or said so far convinced her otherwise, but she was sure Matthew was different. He had to be.
“Does Tom know where Matthew is billeted?” she’d asked recklessly.
“Ooh! Are you going to see him, then? Send him a postcard?” Her sister had sounded amused, which had made Lily feel as if she could almost hate her. It was a new and shocking feeling; she loved Sophie, she always had. Her high spirits kept them all buoyed up when life was so low. She was laughter and fun and light-hearted simplicity. But, right now, Lily’s fists were clenched and she had to take a breath before she spoke levelly.
“I might.”
“Oh, don’t be cross.” In typical Sophie style, her sister’s mood had changed and she dropped to her knees in front of her and laid her head in her lap as if she were a child. “I’m sorry, Lily, I really am. I’m acting like a cow when I shouldn’t be. It’s just I’m so happy.”
Lily didn’t know why being happy would make one act like a cow, but she’d forborne saying so. “I’m pleased you’re happy.”
“Are you?” Sophie had twisted her head to look up at her. “Are you, really?”
“Yes, of course I am. Truly.” Although Lily knew she was still worried, about so many things. “Do be careful, Sophie,” she’d said quietly. “Lieutenant Reese—Tom—he’s going to go away, isn’t he?”
“He’ll come back on leave.”
“Did he say so?”
“And so what if he doesn’t?” Sophie had scrambled up to her feet. “Not everyone is looking for a wedding ring, you know.”
“Even so,” Lily had said quietly. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Sophie had grabbed her utility skirt from the wardrobe and thrust her legs into it. “Perhaps I just want a good time.” She’d sounded defiant, and Lily suspected her sister was trying to convince herself as much as her.
“Then do be careful,” she’d repeated. “Don’t let him break your heart, or…” Get you into trouble. She couldn’t say it. She didn’t even like thinking it. She could not imagine what their mother’s response to that would be.
“Don’t worry about me, Lily,” Sophie had stated rather loftily. “I can take care of myself, you know.” She’d grabbed her hairbrush and started yanking it through her mussed hair. “And don’t worry, I?
??ll get you the address for your sergeant.”
He’s not mine, Lily had almost said, but then didn’t. Perhaps he was hers, if just a little bit. Two days later, Sophie had handed her a slip of paper with a smile; she’d been out to Rainbow Corner with Tom and she was fizzing from it.
“You should have seen all the things they had there, Lily! Endless supply of just everything. I tried Coca-Cola. It tickled my nose! Oh, it made me laugh.”
Lily had thought of how she’d felt the same when she’d drunk champagne. She’d smiled and patted her sister’s hand, genuinely glad for her happiness, and she’d put the slip of paper in the pocket of her dress where she felt its promising weight all day.
And now she was here, under a darkening sky, knowing she should hurry home—there had been another raid last night—and yet so wanting to be daring. Wanting to do something, just the way Sophie had said—to seize life and what it had to offer, no matter how little or fleeting.
The house was small and unassuming, brick-fronted, the blackout curtains drawn across every window. Lily took a deep breath and started forward. With her gloved fingers clenched tightly, she rapped on the front door and then waited, shivering a little in the cold, still air. It was a clear night, a silver crescent of moon slender in the sky. She waited, sensing the emptiness within. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Matthew wasn’t home; he might be on leave, or on an operation, or at the base. He could be anywhere.