‘Alex...’ She stopped, because she had no idea what she would say. ‘Please touch me?’ ‘Can’t tonight be different?’ She couldn’t make herself say the words. Despite the desire coursing through her, she still wasn’t brave enough to risk what she felt.
‘Come on,’ he said, and nodded towards the bed.
Wordlessly Milly slipped out of her dress and underwear, not knowing what else to do, walked silently to the bed and lay down, longing only for him to touch her again the way he had before. Surely he would...? Why wouldn’t he? She looked up at him appealingly, excitement stirring once more inside her just at the sight of him—his blazing blue eyes, his midnight-dark hair, his bronzed chest. She trembled with excitement as she licked her lips and whispered, ‘I’m ready.’
* * *
Frustration bit deep as Alex stared at Milly lying on the bed like some virgin sacrifice, looking as if she had to brace herself for what lay ahead. She was actually trembling.
In any case, he supposed that was what she was—there could be no pretending she wanted to be here, that she was looking forward to being touched by him. She’d made her feelings plain enough, the way she’d gulped the champagne and insisted on unzipping her dress by herself.
For a moment, when he hadn’t been able to resist touching her, he’d thought things might change. Then she’d shuddered and he’d realised what an utter fool he was making of himself. And even if he wasn’t...even if she felt some small flicker of something...he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t bear to be wrong. To be pitied...and by his wife.
Taking a short, sharp breath, his face angled away from her, he removed his boxers. Then he walked towards the bed and stretched out next to her, noticing the way she trembled even though he hadn’t touched her yet.
She was tense as a bow, her toes pointed, her whole body rigid with expectation. Even so, she was lovely, her skin pale and golden, her body lithe and slender, her high, small breasts, small waist, and shapely legs all perfectly proportioned.
He ached to touch her, to explore every part of her body with his hands and mouth, and to have her do the same to him. Learning each other’s bodies like living maps...but of course that was a nonsense. She didn’t want to so much as touch him, much less explore.
Still Alex couldn’t bring himself to climb on top of her like some rutting stag. Gently he placed his hand on her hip, her skin cool and silky beneath his palm. She let out a shuddering breath. He slid his hand from her hip to her breast, unable to keep himself from the caress, longing for more.
Her breast filled his palm perfectly and he ran his thumb over the taut peak. Another shuddering breath and she bit her lip. Shame roiled in his stomach; clearly this was no more than an endurance test.
Alex removed his hand, his body already pulsing with need. It had been a long time since he’d been with a woman, and he knew it wouldn’t take much to put him over the edge. Perhaps the kindest thing for him to do was, as he’d said before, simply to get it over with.
He rolled on top of her, bracing himself above on his forearms. Her eyes were still closed, her teeth sunk so deep into her lower lip she’d drawn blood. Self-hatred burned white and hot inside him. Was this really what it had come to? A woman who couldn’t even look at him, who was tensing herself for his touch? Why had he ever thought marriage could be a good idea? Could work?
Her eyes fluttered open, her dazed gaze fixed on his face. ‘Aren’t you going to...?’ she began, and Alex, hating himself even more, gave a terse nod.
‘Yes.’ He positioned himself at her entrance, nudging her thighs apart with his knee but they were rigid and unmoving. ‘Milly, you have to relax at least a little bit,’ he gritted. ‘Otherwise...’
‘I’m sorry.’ Her voice was small, making him ache in an entirely different and more painful way. ‘I just...’ She took a hitching breath, making his guilt pierce even more deeply. ‘I thought...’ She stopped, and then she spread her thighs, inhaling sharply as he began to move inside her.
‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked in a low voice. He had barely begun.
‘Not...not exactly...’ She put her hands on his shoulders, clasping him to her, and even though he knew she was just bracing herself, the touch reached deep inside him. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman had touched him, skin on skin, an intimacy he’d forgotten existed. It enflamed him even more, even as the shame of how he must be hurting her bit deeply.
He gritted his teeth as he slid slowly inside her, inch by precious inch, filling her tight warmth, pleasure flooding his senses as he sheathed himself fully. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, her eyes clenched shut once more, her body still so very tense.
‘Milly, relax.’
‘I’m trying,’ she gasped out with a nervous laugh that almost, improbably, made him smile. ‘This is...very strange.’
‘I know.’ It was strange for him too, in an entirely different way. In the past, when he’d been with a woman, he’d been focused on her pleasure. It had been a source of both honour and pride, and yet this...
This was the opposite. Yet he couldn’t imagine it happening any differently. Slowly Alex began to move, sweat beading his brow as he sought to make her as comfortable as possible, even though everything in him ached to find a faster and deeper rhythm.
After a few seconds, she began to match him, her hips moving jerkily. When Alex looked down at her, he saw how her face was screwed up, a drop of blood on her lip from where she’d bitten it. His vision was blurred at the edges, his mind dissolving as he came close to the peak.
‘Alex...’ Her voice was a plea, although for what he didn’t know. Could it possibly be pleasure—could she be feeling even a little of what he was? At that thought, he came in an intoxicating rush, his body spending itself inside her, the pleasure crashing thr
ough him in intense waves.
They lay entangled for a few heart-thudding moments until Milly started to squirm beneath him.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her voice muffled. ‘But I think I’m going to be sick.’
CHAPTER NINE