Both Miranski and Nix nodded, then Nix slapped Lucas on the shoulder. “We’ll get justice for Erin.”
Lucas nodded and the detectives walked out the door, closing it behind them.
Lucas and Cy moved to stand in front of me, touching me, as if they couldn’t get enough.
“I’m sorry,” I said, needing them to know how I felt. “I was wrong… it wasn’t just fun.”
“Shh,” Cy said. “Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll talk about it later. Let’s get out of here.”
“Yeah, I can’t be here right now, not knowing what he did,” Lucas added.
He walked off to the kitchen, opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen peas, then pulled a dishcloth from the oven door.
“Here.”
“I’m sorry I stormed off yesterday,” I said, putting the cloth covered bag to my cheek. I winced at the coldness. “I was wrong, and I want you to know how I feel. How I really feel.”
Mark’s break from insanity made me realize what I had with Lucas and Cy. How I’d been silly to push them away. Selfish. I’d been afraid to fall in love because it would hurt to have my heart broken. But pulling away from them, denying what I felt for them, what we shared, was even worse. I wasn’t the only one with issues.
Lucas had tons. PTSD that gave him nightmares, or worse. Parents who were mean and potentially insane. A sister who’d been killed and a murderer on the loose. He needed me, and I’d pushed him away.
And Cy? His dad had abandoned him and it still affected him. He had epic trust issues, but he’d let me in, opened up to me in a way I figured he hadn’t with anyone else. He was close with Lucas, but they were best friends. What Cy and I shared ran deeper. So much deeper. Why had I made him face his dad? If he wanted to avoid the guy who’d left him and his mom, and who’d so callously admitted to killing Erin, then that was fine with me. I should have understood, supported him, not tossed a butt plug at him and stormed off.
Now though, I wasn’t keeping my distance. No longer. I was done running.
Lucas pulled me into his arms. “How do you feel about us, besides wanting to shove a plug up Cy’s ass?”
I rolled my eyes at that because he seemed to be having similar thoughts as me. “I…” I swallowed, licked my lips and met Lucas’ pale gaze. “I love you. From the very beginning, I think. From that first mud puddle. And you”—I turned to look at Cy—“since the skunk.”
He grinned, the usually morose and serious guy appearing pleased. “Sweetheart, it was love at first skunk for me, too.”
I smiled at that, remembering how awful it had been, how he’d taken care of me through it all. Leaning down, he gently kissed me. I felt the brush of his beard and wanted it elsewhere on my body.
But my sexy-times thoughts faded when he said, “I went to see my dad.”
“You did?” I blinked back tears, thinking of him facing the man who’d caused him so much pain.
“Yeah. He didn’t give me any answers, but maybe I wasn’t really looking for any. I think I expected the guy from when I was nine to open the door. He’s not the same man. I’m not that kid. I’ve moved on and he’s now in my past where he left himself.”
I didn’t think it was that simple, or that he was completely over it, but he seemed content in his words. For now, that would have to do. I’d be there if it bothered him. It was my job to support my men.
Lucas pulled me in for a kiss. “You know I paid off your planned partner for the mud run so I could have you to myself.”
I stared at him, remembering the first time I saw him when he’d introduced himself as my racing partner. Gym shorts and a T-shirt with his non-profit’s logo across the chest. He was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.
I’d thought I was to be paired with a Jamaican marathon runner, but one look at Lucas and I’d known he wasn’t Jamaican, nor a serious runner. But I hadn’t complained, not one bit. Not then, or a few hours later when he was soaping the mud from my body or after that when he made me come until I forgot everything but his name.
“You did?”
He nodded. “I put the Mills fortune to use paying him off.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Money well spent, in my opinion.” God, he was everything. Cy, too, and that was scary.
“I’m afraid of being in love,” I admitted, lowering the bag from my cheek. “I can’t talk with frozen peas on my face.”
Cy took them from me, stepped close and gently held them against my cheek. “You love us?” he asked, his dark gaze roving over my face as if looking for any doubt.
I nodded and the bag of peas rustled. “But I’m scared of what can happen. Of getting hurt again. I love skiing; it’s my life, but one awful wipeout and it’s over for me. I’m lost without it, or I have been. Until you. I want you both in my life, but I don’t want you to be my life. And then, what if you drop me? What if I fall? That’s why I pushed you guys away, why I tried to keep it casual. I can survive another knee injury, but my heart—”