Maybe V was mistaken—
As Xhex materialized beside him, Murhder shifted in the snow even though he’d been prepared for her appearance. Still, her scent in his nose was a strange shock.
Glancing over, he measured her grim profile. Her hair was even shorter than it had been when he’d known her. Her eyes seemed even darker—but that could be the situation. The rest of her was exactly as he remembered, powerful and sure.
They had said little before they’d left Darius’s former house together. And he had the sense that he wasn’t going to get another chance to talk to her. Ever again.
“Thank you for coming with me,” he said roughly.
She shook her head, and he figured she was going to it’s-not-about-you him. When she didn’t say anything, he frowned.
“What,” he asked.
It was a while before she answered him. Then again, given their history and all the things they had never discussed? Lot to choose from.
“Why did you keep going after them?” She looked at him. “That lab. Those scientists. Those humans. Why did you hunt them?”
Murhder recoiled. “Are you serious?” When she just stared at him, he cursed under his breath. “How could I not. They hurt you. They nearly killed you.”
Xhex refocused on the meadow ahead. “We weren’t like that, you and I. I wasn’t a mate to ahvenge.”
“On my end, we were.”
“I lied to you.”
“I know.”
As she exhaled, her breath came out into the cold as a haze that dispersed quickly. “I’m sorry. For everything. For not telling you what I am. For my bloodline and what they did to you up in the colony. I’m really sorry.”
Murhder opened his mouth. He intended to tell her it was all okay. That he was fine. That he …
But they both knew that wasn’t true, and he refused to lie. At least out loud, that was.
“I never blamed you for that,” he said roughly. “Not telling me about the symphath in you, I mean.”
“Why?”
“You were protecting yourself. As a fighter, I get that.”
Back then, no one with mixed blood would have ever come forward for fear of getting deported. And he assumed that was the same now—although so much had changed since he’d been around, who knew.
Abruptly, she turned to him. Her eyes were shadowed and not just because there was no moon out. They were filled with pain, and he knew what that felt like.
As the cold wind blew his hair around, and sadness darkened the night even further, he realized that even though the pair of them were not destined to be together, they would never fully be apart, either. Their relationship had carved runes in the bedrock of their souls, the suffering on both sides longer lasting than any resonant joy could have been.
“You make me ashamed of myself,” she said hoarsely. “You kept going after those humans. I stopped. Otherwise, maybe I could have saved this female. And her young.”
Murhder shook his head. “Don’t blame yourself. There’s no right answer when it comes to healing from tragedy. You took care of yourself. That is what matters.”
Okay, so that was some serious bullshit. He hadn’t healed a damn thing in himself, so he really didn’t know what he was talking about when it came to recovering from anything more serious than a broken bone. Still, he wanted to ease her conscience. After everything that had been done to her, she deserved freedom, and not just from that cage she’d been kept in.
“You were there the night I burned that lab down, weren’t you.” As he nodded, she continued, “How did you know where I was?”
He closed his eyes and fought against going back to the past. And if it hadn’t been for the rock-solid conviction that they were never seeing each other again after this, he probably would have let it all go.
Instead … he found himself answering, the words bubbling up his throat and coming out of his mouth on shaky syllables.
“When your people gave you over to the humans up at the colony, I broke free and tried to save you. I saw you get put into a van with blacked-out windows and there was a logo on it. I would have followed, but …” Well, her relatives took control of his brain again and that had pretty much ruled his roost. “After Rehv got me out sometime later, I searched for the laboratory that matched the logo. It was dumb luck that I happened to find it the night you lit that fire.”
Dumb luck … or part of the Scribe Virgin’s grand plan. If you believed in that kind of thing.
He touched the shard of seeing glass through his shirt. That van had been how he’d eventually found the other two vampires. As he had watched Xhex against the flames she had started, a vehicle that he had not thought much about at the time had driven off. Only later, after he had decided to leave Xhex alone and had dematerialized away from the site of the blaze, had he recalled it had been the same van from the night she’d been taken from the symphath colony.
That was how he’d suspected there were others being held.
And he’d been right.
“I didn’t know there were others at the lab.” Xhex cleared her throat. “I mean, while I was there, they kept me alone, probably because I attacked them every time they came at me.”
Murhder closed his eyes and shook his head. “That should never have happened. To you, or anybody.”
“I don’t blame you at all for keeping your distance from me. But what I can’t understand is, why did you tell the Brotherhood you were the one who burned down the lab?”
“Does it matter now?”
“Yes. I mean, it wasn’t until tonight that I figured it all out. That they blamed you for all of it. First that fire and then the slaughter at the second site.”
He shrugged. “By the time the Brothers linked what you’d done to all my wrongs? It was a drop in a bucket. I decided you didn’t need any more trouble than you’d already found and God knew I was in deep enough as it was.”
“They know about me. About what I am.”
“I figured that out. Good on them for accepting you—”
“I’m mated now.”
“Congratulations,” he heard himself say.
“He’s a good male.”
He better be, Murhder thought. Or I’ll kill him with my bare hands.
When she didn’t say anything further, he waited for feelings of jealousy and possession to bubble up in his chest. Something did kindle, deep inside, but it was too quiet an emotion for him to process. He was very sure it was not a bonded male reaction, however.
“I didn’t come back here to make problems for you,” Murhder said. “It’s really all about the female.”
“Any way I can help, I’m there.” Xhex looked away to the cabin. “I owe her, even though I don’t know her.”
Murhder didn’t mean to reach out, but his arms extended before he could think about it one way or another … and the next thing he knew, Xhex was in his arms, the pair of them holding on to each other, the invisible winds of their pain and suffering turning them into the eye of a hurricane.
It was what he had wanted to do the night of that fire, but he had lacked the nerve.
“I’m sorry, too,” he said over her head.
“What are you apologizing for?” she asked. V was mistaken—
As Xhex materialized beside him, Murhder shifted in the snow even though he’d been prepared for her appearance. Still, her scent in his nose was a strange shock.
Glancing over, he measured her grim profile. Her hair was even shorter than it had been when he’d known her. Her eyes seemed even darker—but that could be the situation. The rest of her was exactly as he remembered, powerful and sure.
They had said little before they’d left Darius’s former house together. And he had the sense that he wasn’t going to get another chance to talk to her. Ever again.
“Thank you for coming with me,” he said roughly.
She shook her head, and he figured she was going to it’s-not-about-you him. When she didn’t say anything, he frowned.
“What,” he asked.
It was a while before she answered him. Then again, given their history and all the things they had never discussed? Lot to choose from.
“Why did you keep going after them?” She looked at him. “That lab. Those scientists. Those humans. Why did you hunt them?”
Murhder recoiled. “Are you serious?” When she just stared at him, he cursed under his breath. “How could I not. They hurt you. They nearly killed you.”
Xhex refocused on the meadow ahead. “We weren’t like that, you and I. I wasn’t a mate to ahvenge.”
“On my end, we were.”
“I lied to you.”
“I know.”
As she exhaled, her breath came out into the cold as a haze that dispersed quickly. “I’m sorry. For everything. For not telling you what I am. For my bloodline and what they did to you up in the colony. I’m really sorry.”
Murhder opened his mouth. He intended to tell her it was all okay. That he was fine. That he …
But they both knew that wasn’t true, and he refused to lie. At least out loud, that was.
“I never blamed you for that,” he said roughly. “Not telling me about the symphath in you, I mean.”
“Why?”
“You were protecting yourself. As a fighter, I get that.”
Back then, no one with mixed blood would have ever come forward for fear of getting deported. And he assumed that was the same now—although so much had changed since he’d been around, who knew.
Abruptly, she turned to him. Her eyes were shadowed and not just because there was no moon out. They were filled with pain, and he knew what that felt like.
As the cold wind blew his hair around, and sadness darkened the night even further, he realized that even though the pair of them were not destined to be together, they would never fully be apart, either. Their relationship had carved runes in the bedrock of their souls, the suffering on both sides longer lasting than any resonant joy could have been.
“You make me ashamed of myself,” she said hoarsely. “You kept going after those humans. I stopped. Otherwise, maybe I could have saved this female. And her young.”
Murhder shook his head. “Don’t blame yourself. There’s no right answer when it comes to healing from tragedy. You took care of yourself. That is what matters.”
Okay, so that was some serious bullshit. He hadn’t healed a damn thing in himself, so he really didn’t know what he was talking about when it came to recovering from anything more serious than a broken bone. Still, he wanted to ease her conscience. After everything that had been done to her, she deserved freedom, and not just from that cage she’d been kept in.
“You were there the night I burned that lab down, weren’t you.” As he nodded, she continued, “How did you know where I was?”
He closed his eyes and fought against going back to the past. And if it hadn’t been for the rock-solid conviction that they were never seeing each other again after this, he probably would have let it all go.
Instead … he found himself answering, the words bubbling up his throat and coming out of his mouth on shaky syllables.
“When your people gave you over to the humans up at the colony, I broke free and tried to save you. I saw you get put into a van with blacked-out windows and there was a logo on it. I would have followed, but …” Well, her relatives took control of his brain again and that had pretty much ruled his roost. “After Rehv got me out sometime later, I searched for the laboratory that matched the logo. It was dumb luck that I happened to find it the night you lit that fire.”
Dumb luck … or part of the Scribe Virgin’s grand plan. If you believed in that kind of thing.
He touched the shard of seeing glass through his shirt. That van had been how he’d eventually found the other two vampires. As he had watched Xhex against the flames she had started, a vehicle that he had not thought much about at the time had driven off. Only later, after he had decided to leave Xhex alone and had dematerialized away from the site of the blaze, had he recalled it had been the same van from the night she’d been taken from the symphath colony.
That was how he’d suspected there were others being held.
And he’d been right.
“I didn’t know there were others at the lab.” Xhex cleared her throat. “I mean, while I was there, they kept me alone, probably because I attacked them every time they came at me.”
Murhder closed his eyes and shook his head. “That should never have happened. To you, or anybody.”
“I don’t blame you at all for keeping your distance from me. But what I can’t understand is, why did you tell the Brotherhood you were the one who burned down the lab?”
“Does it matter now?”
“Yes. I mean, it wasn’t until tonight that I figured it all out. That they blamed you for all of it. First that fire and then the slaughter at the second site.”
He shrugged. “By the time the Brothers linked what you’d done to all my wrongs? It was a drop in a bucket. I decided you didn’t need any more trouble than you’d already found and God knew I was in deep enough as it was.”
“They know about me. About what I am.”
“I figured that out. Good on them for accepting you—”
“I’m mated now.”
“Congratulations,” he heard himself say.
“He’s a good male.”
He better be, Murhder thought. Or I’ll kill him with my bare hands.
When she didn’t say anything further, he waited for feelings of jealousy and possession to bubble up in his chest. Something did kindle, deep inside, but it was too quiet an emotion for him to process. He was very sure it was not a bonded male reaction, however.
“I didn’t come back here to make problems for you,” Murhder said. “It’s really all about the female.”
“Any way I can help, I’m there.” Xhex looked away to the cabin. “I owe her, even though I don’t know her.”
Murhder didn’t mean to reach out, but his arms extended before he could think about it one way or another … and the next thing he knew, Xhex was in his arms, the pair of them holding on to each other, the invisible winds of their pain and suffering turning them into the eye of a hurricane.
It was what he had wanted to do the night of that fire, but he had lacked the nerve.
“I’m sorry, too,” he said over her head.
“What are you apologizing for?” she asked.