Rage and Ruin (The Harbinger 2)

My heart pounded, and when I took a breath it felt like it went nowhere. “And Stacey helped you realize all this?”

That crazy-cute half grin appeared. “Yeah, she sort of called me out on it. Said some things I needed to hear—things I’d already been thinking.”

All right.

There was a swelling motion in my chest, one that threatened to lift me straight to the starry ceiling.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so mad about him staying out late with her.

But...

There was always a but.

I took another deep breath. I needed to say this. I needed to get it out there, because I could feel it building between us. The rules weren’t going to stop us. The dangers each of us faced weren’t going to be a hurdle. “I’m scared of getting my heart broken.”

His eyes met mine once more. “So am I.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “I couldn’t... If something happened to you, because we’re together, I...”

The hand on my jaw kept my gaze glued to his. “I know that my life is tied to yours, that if something happens to you, it happens to me, but that doesn’t keep me from being terrified that I’ll somehow lose you. I will do anything to get to you if something happens. There is nothing that will stop me,” he admitted. “A part of me understands why the senator did what he did. Hell, not a part of me. Everything in me understands, and the knowledge of what I’d do if I lost you? Yeah, that scares me, too.”

A tremor rolled down my spine.

“If my life wasn’t bonded to yours and something happened to you? If you were taken from me, there’d be nothing that would stop me from getting you back. I’d go to the ends of the Earth. I’d barter with everything I have,” he said. “I know that’s wrong. I know how bad that could go, but I would do it. And that’s not because of the fact that if you were to die, so would I. In death, nothing would keep me from you. That I swear.”

It was wrong. It would most likely go bad, but I whispered, “I’d do the same.” And that was the truth. “If you were killed?” Even thinking that hurt. “I’d do anything to bring you back.”

“So, knowing that? I sure as Hell am not going to let some rule keep us apart. Nor the fear of seeing you get hurt, and definitely not the fear of me getting hurt. I’m a lot of things, Trin, but a coward isn’t one of them.” His eyes searched mine. “And you’re not a coward, either.”

“No,” I whispered. “No, I’m not.”

That half grin grew into a smile, the kind that broke and mended my heart in a matter of beats. It was the kind of smile full of promises and possibility, and damn straight, I wasn’t a coward. My fingers tangled in his hair as I exhaled.

“Why is this coming up now and not two nights ago?” he asked.

Because then there’d still been walls. I hadn’t realized it until now, not until those walls were gone. “Because you gave me stars, and that means this is...this is more.”

His thumb swept over my cheek. “I don’t know what more means to you, but it means that I love you, Trinity Lynn. That I’m in love with you.”

I didn’t know who moved first, who kissed who. We were separated and then we weren’t. It was gentle and soft, like it could’ve been our first kiss, and there was something more powerful about this kiss, and maybe this was our first real one. I slid my hands to his cheeks and opened my mouth to his.

And then it became infinitely more.

It was love that I felt for him, love that had me worked up into so many tiny, twisted knots. It was love that coursed through me, even if the words never left my lips.

It was love that fueled the need to give him something as beautiful as the stars he’d given me, and I knew of only one thing, something Jada had once told me about.

Sliding out of his lap, I gripped his shirt and pulled. He needed little instruction, lifting his arms and letting me pull the shirt off, and when I reached for his pants, he rose, toeing off his boots. He undressed. I helped. Sort of. I mostly distracted him during the process, causing his strong legs to tremble. Actually, I distracted myself, learning and exploring as I went, pressing kisses against his hip.

Then, only when he pulled me up, did I shimmy out of my bottoms and kick them aside as I met his gaze. “I want you.”

“That much is obvious.” His eyes glimmered as he reached for me.

“I want you to be who you really are,” I added, holding on to the hem of my shirt. Zayne opened his mouth, closed it. Not exactly the response I was looking for. “You’re my Protector. You’re a Warden. I want you.”

He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. “Do you know what that means?”

I knew what it meant.

It was what Wardens did when they mated, according to Jada, and it was pretty much just like humans, but it was only shared with their mates. For a Warden, it was a true expression of love, and while I couldn’t do it, I knew what it meant if we did it.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps that was making things a little too serious. He loved me. I could look at the ceiling every day and see his love, but this might be too much, too soon. Embarrassment crept over my skin.

“You don’t have to,” I said in a rush. “It was just—Never mind. It’s dumb and too soon. Can we forget it?”

“No.” His pupils stretched vertically. “It’s not dumb or too soon. It’s just...” A wondrous look filled his features as he shook his head. “You amaze me.”

A different kind of blush swept over me, but then Zayne rose, and he showed me who he truly was.

I might’ve stopped breathing as he extended his hand. “Forever.”

“Forever.” I placed mine in his and as his fingers curled around mine, he returned to the bed, sitting. I felt like I wasn’t getting air in my lungs as I placed a knee on either side of his legs.

His eyes were wide, pale and luminous as he stared up at me. His sharpened nails snagged the material of my shirt as he lifted it up and over. I reached out, fingers fumbling over the tiny hooks on my bra. Carefully, he lowered his head, his fingers chasing the straps as they slipped down my arms, off my wrists, to fall to the floor below. I touched his cheeks, my palms flattening as I guided his gaze back to mine. Tilting my head, I lowered my mouth and kissed him. The taste of him branded my skin, the feel of him as I slid a hand down his chest, over the tight muscles of his stomach and even lower, tattooed itself into me, and the sound of his groan echoed like a prayer.

There was a pause to grab protection, and then I lifted up slightly only to ease back down, my breath mixing with his. Zayne did not rush me or move a muscle. I knew he would not until I did, forever patient as I adjusted, and when I did move, it was like nothing I’d felt before.

“Trin,” he moaned, his hands at my hips, his nails gentle against my skin. His arm circled my waist, careful of his strength as he pulled me to his chest. “Forever,” he repeated.

I whispered the word back against his lips. It was no simple word, but a promise. A different kind of bond. Forever seemed like a long time, especially at our ages, and to humans it might even seem foolish, but our forevers weren’t guaranteed, and what was was what we felt for one another. It didn’t mean things would be easy. It didn’t even mean that tomorrow we wouldn’t annoy the crap out of each other. What it meant was that no matter what, we were forever.

His wings swept around us, forming a cocoon that blocked out all light. The fear of the sudden darkness was nowhere to be found. Not when whatever chains that had been holding him back seemed to have snapped and his body surged against mine. Not when there was all this tension in me, in him. I gripped his shoulders, my fingers digging into his hard skin. We were like wires stretched taut, pulled as far as we could go, and then released in a beautiful rush, pounding through both of us.

It was like waiting for a storm to pass. His forehead rested against mine, his breath just as short and quick. An eternity seemed to go by before I felt the stir of air as his wings lifted and his skin against mine softened.

“That was... I wasn’t expecting that. I...” He drew in another shallow breath, seeming at a loss for words. “I don’t think you know what...that meant to me. I’ve always... God, I used to worry about how I really looked. I guess a part of me still does.”

“You have no reason.” I leaned back so I could see his face. His cheeks were flushed a deeper hue. “Like I said before, you’re beautiful in both forms. And just to sound extra cheesy for you, it’s because of what’s in here.” I pressed a hand to his chest. “You say I have a light about me, but you are my light.”

Zayne reclaimed the space between us, kissing me. “You’re never getting rid of me now.”

“I wouldn’t want to.”

“I’ll remind you that you said that.” His smile held a sleepy quality to it. “You know, you’re perfect for me.”

A giddiness swept through me as I rocked forward, placing my hands on his shoulders and—

I stopped. There was something off about his shoulders. Three short grooves in his skin. Bright and seeping tiny beads of red. Blood.

Confusion replaced the bubbly warmth. “I think... I think I scratched you.”

“Huh.” He looked down, following my gaze. “You did.”

They were scratches—scratches that I’d caused. I jerked my hands back to my chest. “Oh my God.”

“It’s okay.” He grinned. “More than okay.”

Cold air poured into my chest as I stared at his skin—skin that I’d scratched with my fingernails, which didn’t make sense. At all. My wide gaze bounced to his face.

The smile faded from his face. “Trin, it’s okay—”

“No, it’s not.” I scrambled off him, standing and backing up until I knocked into the dresser. “I shouldn’t have been able to do that. Fingernails can’t pierce your skin, not even in your human form, but you weren’t... That shouldn’t have happened.”