Rage and Ruin (The Harbinger 2)

“It’s...” Understanding dawned across his face. His gaze shot to mine. “Oh, Hell.”

37

Zayne’s skin was no longer Warden hard, even after he shifted back into Warden form and then again into human form. His skin was virtually human.

Meaning he was susceptible to weapons. Knives. Daggers. Bullets. Claws. Teeth. We knew this because he’d snatched one of my daggers and sliced open his palm before I could stop him.

He was still a Warden, with the strength and power of a Warden, but otherwise he was basically human. That was how important their stone-like skin was. It protected a whole lot of important things, like every single vein and organ in their bodies.

I knew why this had happened. Deep down, so did Zayne. This was the consequence I’d been dreading.

“Why would this happen now and not before?” Zayne asked, sitting on the couch. We’d moved to the living room sometime after he’d sliced and diced his palm. It hadn’t healed, but the bleeding had slowed enough that he was able to remove the cloth he’d bound his palm with. The cut was thin and beaded with blood. Just like the welts on his still-bare shoulder—welts left behind by my virtually human fingernails.

Tearing my gaze from the wounds, I returned to wearing a path in the floor. I was pacing back and forth in front of him, wearing his shirt, which nearly doubled as a dress on me. “I think...I know why. It’s me.”

“Trin...” He lifted his head, closing his hand. “This is not just your fault.”

“I’m not saying it is.” I chewed on my thumbnail. “What I mean is, I think—no, I know I was holding back before. Even though I knew I was...was falling for you. That I already had, but I wasn’t allowing myself to really feel that or acknowledge it.”

“And you did tonight?”

Pacing, I nodded.

“We don’t know if that’s why.”

I stopped and looked at him. “I think it’s pretty safe to assume that’s exactly why. Maybe we were right in the beginning. Or I was. That sex or something physical wasn’t what was forbidden. It was emotion.”

“Love,” he suggested in place of the word emotion. “It’s love, Trin.”

My feet got moving again. “That,” I whispered.

He was silent, and then said, “It’s not a big deal.”

“What?” I nearly shrieked, my pace picking up. “It’s a huge deal, Zayne. You can be killed—”

“I could always be killed. That’s nothing new.”

“You can be killed a Hell of a lot easier now,” I pointed out. “Don’t play this off as if it’s nothing. It’s huge, Zayne. This is why we should’ve fought this. This is why, just because something feels right—”

Zayne caught me around the waist as I passed him, pulling me into his lap. “No,” he said. “This does not mean that, Trin. This only means it is what it is, and we have to deal with it. That’s all.”

My gaze fell to where his uninjured hand circled my wrist. His skin felt the same, impossibly warm. “How can you make it sound like it’s nothing?”

“Because it doesn’t change anything.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “It doesn’t lessen what I feel for you, and I know damn well, after what you just gave me, it doesn’t lessen what you feel for me.”

He was right, and I hated myself a little for that.

“This could be temporary,” he continued. “We don’t know anything other than the fact we’ll have to adapt to it. Together. That’s all we can do.”

I shook my head against his. “I don’t understand how you can be so calm.”

“It’s not like I’m not worried. I am, but I told you. I knew the risks going into this.”

We’d known of the risks, but not what they were and there was a big difference. I pulled my head away, thinking about all we had to do—that we’d planned to do. “I don’t want you going to that school with me.”

“Trin—”

“Not until I know what’s in there. You said we need to adapt, and this is how we adapt. You take a step back.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t care!” I twisted in his arms, my heart pounding as I clasped his cheeks. “I don’t care what you think you can do, but if this is our...our punishment, then this is how we adapt. We have to be even more careful, and being careful means you take a step back until we know what we’re facing.”

“Do you think I’m just going to sit here, reading a book, while you’re out there fighting the Harbinger?”

“Starting a reading habit isn’t a bad thing. You could start a book club.”

“Trin.” His pale eyes flashed. “I’m a trained warrior. I know how to prevent getting clawed or bit or stabbed. I’m not weak.”

“You’re the strongest person I know, but you’re not invincible.”

“I never was. And neither are you. When I found out about your vision, do you think it didn’t scare me half to death, imagining all the ways it could affect you?”

I fell silent.

“It did. It still does. You’re half human, Trin. Your skin is vulnerable to all manner of injuries, but I remind myself that you’re trained. You have your grace. You know how to fight and to get out of a situation if it turns ugly. I have to remind myself of that every day. I’m there to protect you, but I’m not there to stop you. Are you going to try to stop me?”

I smoothed my fingers over his cheeks and then exhaled roughly. “I don’t expect you to sit here and do nothing. I just expect you to...make smart choices. Like I do.”

His brows lifted.

“Like I try to do. You go to the school with me, but you stay out of it until we know what’s going on,” I compromised. “And you’re right. I could probably still get hurt faster than you, even now, but I’ve had my whole life to accept my limitations. You haven’t had even a minute fighting with yours.”

He leaned in, closing the distance between us and kissing me softly. “We’ll figure this out, limitations and all.”

“Promise?” I whispered, needing the confirmation, needing to know that this wasn’t the start of something terrible.

“Promise.” He held me. “Remember, Trin. Forever.”

“I remember.” And I did. I would never forget.

* * *

Later, once Zayne had coaxed me back to bed and he’d fallen asleep, I did something I could count on one hand the number of times I’d done before. Closing my eyes, I cleared my mind of anything except my father. I called to him. I summoned him. I prayed to him, hoping he’d show up and undo what we’d done. Begged that he return Zayne to his former state. I even offered something that would break my heart into tiny jagged pieces that could never be repaired.

I’ll give him up, I silently pleaded. I’ll make him give me up. I’ll undo forever. Anything. I’ll do anything.

But like all the times before, there was no answer.

38

I was riding the nervous hot-mess express by the time Zayne and I met up with Roth and crew Saturday evening. My grace was on a hair trigger. If anyone so much as looked at Zayne the wrong way, I was prepared to do full bodily harm.

Human and nonhuman.

Except for animals. Zayne better be able to run fast if a dog tried to bite him or something.

His skin hadn’t returned to its stone-like quality, and I had to fight everything in me to not lock him in the closet or something. He was behaving as if this new state of things wasn’t utterly life changing. He seemed quite unaffected by it, and I couldn’t understand it.

I figured the first time he got clawed by a demon would change that real quick.

Thinking about that terrified me, because depending on where he was clawed, it could be serious or even fa—

“Trin.” Zayne pushed off the concrete wall. We were waiting in the same place as last time, on the corner of the street that led to the school. “You’re getting yourself worked up.”

I frowned in his general direction, since he was a blur in the absence of lights. “No, I’m not.”

“I can feel it.” He sighed. “Why does that seem like something you repeatedly forget?”

“Maybe because I’m trying to forget it.”

He laughed, moving closer. I caught the scent of wintermint, and then his hand was on my lower back. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

Yeah, he was going to be fine standing out here, at a safe, smart distance.

“Here they come,” he announced. “Roth, Layla and... Cayman.”

“I didn’t know he was coming.”

“I guess he missed us.”

I cracked a grin as I made out the vague shapes of three people heading toward us. They were dressed like burglars, but as they got closer, Layla’s hair stood out like a slice of moonlight until they stepped under the streetlamp.

“Guessing you guys haven’t heard yet.” Roth was to the first to speak.

“Heard what?” Zayne kept his hand on my lower back as he guided us away from the wall to the sidewalk.

“About thirty minutes ago, Senator Josh Fisher was found on the sidewalk outside the Condor,” Cayman said. “And he didn’t just lie down. He came down about thirty floors.”

My eyes widened. “Holy crap.”

“Yeah. The whole street is blocked off right now,” Layla said. “News crews and police cars every twenty feet.”

“Do you think he killed himself?” I asked. “Or...”

“...the Harbinger paid him a visit?” Zayne finished. “Either is possible.”

“Especially considering he was one Hell of a broken man,” Cayman said, and I had to agree.

It was possible the senator had come to accept that the Harbinger and Bael had lied to him and that he’d never see his wife again. Considering what he’d taken part in, it was truly possible he’d ended his own life, but... “The Harbinger could’ve found out we’d been there. Taken him out.”