I never wanted him to stop writing, never wanted him to let me go. He did though, but not before squeezing my hand, a silent farewell gesture before he let it loose.
Then he just stared at me for a few seconds with his icy blue eyes and my nipples got hard.
I cleared my throat. “Um…let me give you my information as well,” I said, grabbing his hand (ballsy, yes?) as he handed me the pen. My hand might have trembled a little as I wrote all of my information on his. I could have sworn his thumb brushed across my hand intentionally before I reluctantly pulled away.
Cedric turned the interior light off and we stood in silence for a few more seconds before he spoke. “Well, then…Allison, it was really great talking with you. Again, I am sorry about your having to look for the card and your missing the train…but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy your company on the ride home.”
“Me too…I mean…I enjoyed your company too. You have no idea. And thanks for, you know, looking into that contact at the special needs agency.”
I lingered a bit, hoping Cedric would ask me out. When he just continued to stare at me, I opened the car door, leaving him sitting there.
He flashed his beautiful teeth one last time as I shut the door.
As I walked up the stairs, Cedric started the car. Fiddling with my keys, I looked back, noticing he was still idling waiting for me to safely enter. When I cracked the door open, I turned around and waved and saw him wave back. Then, he took off.
I ran upstairs and when I entered the apartment, I realized Sonia hadn’t come home yet.
I started tearing off my clothes and ran to the bathroom to see what I looked like. Not bad. The mascara was a little runny, but for having worked all day, I guess I looked somewhat presentable.
I turned on the faucet to the bathtub and I pulled off my socks. If I thought he was amazing before, I was speechless now. In that short time, Cedric managed to make me laugh, almost cry and possibly gave me a job lead. Not to mention, my underwear is soaked from just the touch of his hand on mine. The only thing that could have made tonight better, is if he had actually asked me out.
I poured lavender bath salts in the water and waited for it to fill up. As I entered the white ceramic tub, I smelled my hands, which were coated in Cedric’s cologne and made sure not to dip them in the water, so it wouldn’t wash away. I smelled him as I soaked the rest of my body and fantasized, imagining a different ending to our night: one where I had asked him if he wanted to come upstairs. I knew I couldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t help wishing I were that kind of girl. Because if I were, he might be here with me right now and I wouldn’t feel this tremendous loneliness.
I then burst out laughing at the crazy thought of Sonia coming home seeing me mounting Blue Eyes on the couch. I think she is gonna have a heart attack as it is when I tell her about my more platonic ride.
CHAPTER 8
CEDRIC
I pulled into the parking space in back of my brownstone, but couldn’t get out the car. I was paralyzed by thoughts of her, running our entire conversation from the ride over and over in my head. I shut off the car and listened only to the sounds of the city night, shutting my eyes. Church bells in the distance rang to signify the start of a new hour…it was one in the morning
When I opened my eyes, I reached over to pull out the cigarettes from the glove compartment, lit one and took a long drag. I couldn’t give a fuck about the repercussions of smoking right now.
Even though the October weather in Boston was cold, I was sweating from the intense anxiety that had overcome me. I needed that cigarette.
She had no family. She was alone.
Even though she’s a waitress, you’d think she’d come across as unattainable and materialistic, based on her stunning looks. That couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s a person with a passion for helping people and a humble upbringing much like my own. She was so easy to talk to and made my normally frigid soul feel warm inside.
I wanted more.
I don’t even know what that means.
I only know that every emotion I was capable of feeling, belonged to her when I looked into those mammoth eyes. Nothing else mattered in those forty minutes, no one else existed.
No other woman, not even the one I had considered my first love, had ever made me feel like that. It was an instant connection I have never experienced before with anyone at all. But realistically, I knew I couldn’t ever have more with Allison. Because I could never be with someone like her and deceive her. I’ve already deceived her, though, haven’t I, making her believe our meeting in the first place was coincidental?
She had already lost everything. And if she knew the whole story, she wouldn’t want to be with me. But at the same time, I couldn’t just walk away and never see her again. Even if that made the most sense, I felt that it would be physically impossible for me to stay away now that I’ve met her.
I needed more time, even if it meant just being her friend. Friend. There was nothing friendly about the raging hard-on I was trying to fight when I touched her skin.
I wanted her so badly it physically hurt.
I nearly lost it when I could feel her soft breath on my neck as I leaned over her to look for a pen. I wanted to feel her breath all over me.
And that is wrong on so many levels.
I did have a girlfriend after all. Oh, yeah…that minor detail. I remembered that I had lied to Karyn. Karyn didn’t deserve a boyfriend that deceived her either. As superficial as Karyn can be at times, underneath it all she was a decent person who told me she was in love with me even though I never returned the sentiment. I’ve lied to her so many times in the past month since I became obsessed with Allison.