Chapter Six
Moore
I wrap my hands around my throat, trying to keep my heart from jumping straight out of my mouth. Allie is asleep in the cabin’s one bed. I’m pacing at the end of it, trying to get my fucking emotions under control. I don’t know how to exist like this. I haven’t known how to exist in a long fucking time when it comes to Allie James.
Four years ago, life was dismal, barren, lonely…except for her. Maybe I didn’t have parents to come home to. Maybe I had to scrape through odd jobs to afford food, rent. But at least I could get out of bed every morning knowing I’d see her walking the halls. Then I won her and lost her all in the space of a night and life turned into this ugly, soul-sucking doom cloud.
Now? Now I’m caught somewhere in the middle. I don’t have her. She’s committed to leaving, I can see that. But I haven’t quite lost her yet. Not completely. Her mind might be made up to leave. Her body—and God willing, her heart—are another story entirely.
The thing is…Allie can’t see herself when I’m inside of her. She can’t see the vulnerability and affection and hope in her eyes. Can’t feel the absolute trust she grants me. I feel it. I see her.
There has to be a chance I can keep her.
What would life even be without a chance to have this girl all of my days?
Part of me is so guilt ridden over the bullying, it’s telling me to have some decency, some mercy on her and walk away. I don’t know how to do that without killing myself in the process. I don’t think I could physically do it.
“Moore…” she murmurs, turning over in her sleep. “Cold.”
With my heart pinwheeling, I lunge toward the side of the bed and crawl in beside her, nearly moaning out loud when she snuggles up against me, face in my throat, her smooth nudity turning my cock to stone. Christ. How many times can we have sex before it’s too much? These are things I don’t know.
There are so many things I don’t know. Like why I want to fuck her in the ass so badly. Or why having my finger there made me so hot. Why I wanted to spank her, why I said such crude things. And is there something I should be doing for her afterward? Seems like maybe I should be building a monument in her honor or naming a constellation after her pussy. In all of my fantasies, all of my day-dreaming, I never knew it would be so perfect, so utterly addicting to be inside of Allie, but obviously I’ve worn her out, exhausted her, adding to my guilt. My cock doesn’t seem to care or feel guilty, though. It’s lifting toward the notch between her legs, wedging there. Fuck. She’s so warm and wet and soft, I groan without sound.
Focus, Moore.
I have until Monday to soften her toward me. I have until Monday to make her forgive me enough to need me. She’ll never need me as much as I need her, but if I inspire even a fraction of my devotion in Allie, it’ll be enough to sustain me for life. I know I’m hoping for too much. To be forgiven for what I’ve done is a lot to ask, but I’ll never want for a single thing for the rest of my life, if I can just have this girl.
Please let me have this girl.
My body is urging me to roll Allie onto her back. Take her again. I could probably just get off by pressing her sleepy palm to my cock, but I ignore my near-constant lust and enjoy her warmth instead. I must fall asleep for a while because the next time I open my eyes, the very beginnings of morning light are reaching through cracks in the drawn blinds and Allie is looking at me from the other side of our shared pillow. “Hey,” she whispers, voice husky from sleep.
“Morning.” The wariness in her eyes stops me from pulling her close, but I burn to have her against me, like she was in sleep. When she forgot who I am and what I did. “Sleep okay?”
After a second, she nods. “Yes. I’m kind of surprised, actually. There is so much ahead, so many decision to make, but…the one I made last night, leaving home, it’s such a relief to finally have it over, sleeping was easier.” I hum in my throat, give in to my urgent need to brush the hair back from her face. “Or maybe it was you,” she whispers. “You’re very warm.”
“Consider me your own personal furnace, Allie. Any time. Anywhere.”
Is it my touch that’s causing her eyelids to flutter? God, I hope so.