He missed that. He knew he missed it but having it back he realized he missed it.
Then he wrapped his arm around her again.
“Now, baby, tell me what you wanna take,” he said gently and heard her pull in another breath.
Then she asked, “Are you okay?”
His answer was immediate and he tightened his arms on her when he gave it. “Fuck yeah.”
He felt her smile against his skin before she lifted up and gave the smile to him visibly.
Then it faded slowly and she said, “I don’t mean now, honey, I mean with everything that’s going on.”
His head tilted slightly on the pillows. “Everything that’s going on?”
She bit her lip, hesitant, unsure and, f**k him, scared.
Fuck.
He gave her another squeeze and asked, “Baby, what the f**k?”
“With Tate,” she stated quickly and he got it. She was bringing up what bought her his anger and caused him to act like one serious dumb f**k, breaking her and nearly destroying them.
“Do not hesitate with that shit, mama,” he told her. “With me, do not hesitate with any shit.”
“Ty –” she said quietly, still unsure.
“Lex, do you think, six weeks without you, I didn’t learn my f**kin’ lesson?”
She blinked.
He kept going. “I learned, baby. Lived raw for six f**kin’ weeks, wasting my own goddamned life and yours. Downloading on-line divorce papers…” He shook his head, not going back there, not f**king there, doing that shit cost him too much, he couldn’t go back there. So he finished, “Fuck yeah, I learned.”
“Lived raw?” she whispered and he felt his brows draw together.
“Yeah, lived raw, the way a man lives when he f**ks up his own life and does it by hurting the woman he loves in a way he cannot fix. A man like that lives raw and I was a man like that.”
When he was done speaking he saw her lips were parted again but she just stared at him, silent.
“What?” he asked.
Lexie kept staring at him so he gave her a gentle shake.
“What?” he prompted.
“The woman he loves?” she breathed and it was his turn to blink.
Then he confirmed, “Yeah.”
“You love me?” she asked like it was a concept she’d never believe and her response shocked the shit out of him.
“Uh… yeah,” he answered. “Babe, a man like me who got f**ked like me doesn’t share, at all, unless he trusts who he’s sharin’ with, unless their opinion matters, unless they matter and the way I got f**ked, no way a man got f**ked that way would share with pu**y, any pu**y and you know that. But with you, I shared. You played me to distract me but I wasn’t hard to distract because I wanted your distraction. Spent five years with ninety-nine percent of my headspace taken up with my grand plan o’ vengeance, I get out, ready to take that on and a few days later I’m tourin’ fucking Vegas then headin’ to Moab and then at the f**kin’ garden center. I f**k up and lose you, I risk it all to go to Dallas to track you down and see to the errand of makin’ sure Shift gets where I’m at, will always be and I do it in a way he won’t forget and I do that by further breaking my parole, committing a crime and beatin’ the shit outta him and two of his crew. Two weeks later, I find out where you are and I pick up a phone and call a man who does not like me because, years ago, I took a f**kload of his money at a table but I know he’s got more money, lots of it. I also know he lives two hours away in Aspen and I know he’s got a private jet, the only hope I got of flyin’ cross country without getting tagged and sent back to California. Luck shines because this man may not like me but I lay it out for him, all of it, mama, and I find this f**kin’ guy is a f**kin’ romantic. He fuels up his jet, lies on flight logs sayin’ Tate Jackson is his passenger and flies me to f**kin’ Florida. This guy is so much of a f**kin’ romantic, I come back to the airstrip without you, swear to f**kin’ God, he looks near as devastated as me. Now, no man does all that for a woman he doesn’t love and definitely not a man like me.”
He stopped speaking and saw her lips were not parted.
Her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were huge.
Then she snapped her mouth shut.
Then she asked, “You beat up Shift?”
“Bessie called me, told me he was dickin’ with you, got outta bed, hauled my ass to Dallas and, yeah, the one word he spoke he had to spit out a mouthful of blood to speak it.”
“You beat up Shift.” This time it was a statement so Walker didn’t respond. Then she asked, “You arranged a ride in a private jet to get to me?”
“Mama, you were in f**kin’ Florida. First, I cannot take that time to drive it, too much of a risk someone findin’ out I’m gone and where I went. I did not want to bring you back only to be sent away. Second, I take that time to drive it and find you’ve moved on, I lose that time. I had to catch a flight and that was the only option open for me.”
Lexie didn’t speak, she just stared at him.
So he started, “Lex –” but got no further.
And he got no further because she whispered, “You know, I love you too.”
That thing, that thing she gave him that started to settle again, shifted and warmed, digging deep, taking root.
“Lexie –” he whispered back, his arms convulsing around her but he again got no further.
“Fell in love with you when I opened my eyes in Vegas, turned in bed and saw you put my bouquet in a vase.”
Fuck him.
Fuck… him.
“Shut it, mama.” He was still whispering.
“At the pool, when you showed, my day started.”
His arms now gave her a warning squeeze.
“Shut it,” he growled.
“Sitting at the breakfast table, seeing your wedding ring, being able to really look at it on your finger up close for the first time, I had to touch it so I could remind myself I was the one who got to put it there.”
Fuck.
Him.
“Shut it.” This time, it was a rumble.
“The next morning, when you didn’t show at the pool, I had to find you so I could start my day.”
He rolled and shifted until he was on top of her and he repeated, “Shut it.”
“Six weeks without you, I’d wake up and hours later go to sleep and not once did my day dawn.”
“Baby, shut… it.”
“You took the shadow off my world.”