But the words stayed jammed in his throat. They were still there now, along with all of the promises he couldn’t make her until he was certain the target Selene had put on his back wouldn’t someday land on Brynne’s as well.
And the idea that his people and hers might one day be at war if Selene had anything to say about it?
That was a prospect he refused to consider, especially when Brynne was wrapped around him so deliciously, her hands tunneling into his hair to drag him down for another searing kiss.
o;You could feel all of that with your hands?”
He nodded soberly.
“And you didn’t tell her?” Brynne’s heart climbed into her throat. “Oh, Zael…”
“I didn’t tell her because there was nothing that could be done. The cancer would kill her, even if it was treated. There wasn’t going to be a miracle.”
“But you kept the truth from her.”
“Yes. Because I didn’t want to see her spirit crushed. I didn’t want to be the one to crush it.” He tipped his head back, silent for a long moment. When he looked at Brynne now, she saw the full depth of his self-hatred. “I didn’t want to be with her, knowing I was holding that secret. So I left. I didn’t tell her I was going. I didn’t tell her anything. I just…left.”
Brynne didn’t say anything. She knew he didn’t want sympathy, but she felt it for him anyway. It had been many years since he met Dylan’s mother, but he still carried the pain. And the guilt.
“You want to know the ironic thing?”
She gave him a wobbly nod, still trying to process everything she’d heard so far.
“In the end, it wasn’t the cancer that killed Sharon. Dylan told me that just a few days ago.” He turned a stark look on Brynne. “It was Dragos who killed her.”
“How?”
“Sharon was dying from the disease, but during that same time Dylan and her warrior mate, Rio, were just getting to know each other. It’s a long story, but Sharon became entangled in some of Dragos’s schemes and when he attempted to use her to get close enough to hurt Dylan, Sharon sacrificed herself to save her daughter. My daughter.”
“Oh, my God.” Brynne blew out a heavy sigh, her heart breaking for Zael and for Dylan. And for the special woman who had meant a great deal to both of them. “I’m so sorry.”
“Now you know,” he said, his deep voice solemn, yet still burdened. “I’m not a good man, Brynne. I’ve taken my pleasure wherever I’ve wanted, with little thought for the consequences. What I’ve never taken well is responsibility. I’ve never been steady or reliable. I’ve never been committed to anything but myself. You need to know that. You needed to know it a lot sooner than now.”
“No, Zael. You’re wrong.” She combed her fingers through his hair as he stared out at the horizon, her eyes tender on the tormented, beautiful face of the man she had somehow come to care for so deeply. “That’s not what I see in you at all. It’s not what I saw here at the colony today. It’s not what I saw in you with the Order.” She put her fingers beneath his chin to bring his troubled gaze to hers. “It’s not what I see when you’re with me.”
He cupped her face in his palm, his thumb lightly stroking her lips. “After Sharon, I never allowed myself to feel that deeply again. I didn’t let myself feel love because I never wanted to feel pain or loss. But with you… Everything changed when I saw you, Brynne.”
She wanted to believe him, but there was a part of her that was still afraid. Still certain the day would come when he rejected what she really was inside—or when he would regret that he hadn’t rejected her.
“I’ve been alone all my life, Zael. It’s where I feel safe.” She turned her face into the cradle of his palm. “But you were right when you said I was lonely. I never realized how empty my life was. I didn’t realize it could be any different. But now…”
“Now, what?”
She took a breath, needing to say the words before she let herself fall any deeper. “I’m afraid that I’ll wake up one day and my life will be empty again. I’m afraid of what I am—what Dragos made me—and I’m afraid of what I may still become.”
“None of that scares me.” Zael’s touch was tender as he reached out to trace the faint pattern of a glyph that was awakening on her chest. When he glanced to her eyes, his gaze was resolute. “We’ll get through it together. My light helped you through the worst of it once; it can do it again.”
She laughed sadly. “For how long, Zael?”
“As long as you want me.”
“What if that’s forever?”
The question fell from her lips before she could stop it.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and she closed her eyes, praying the beach beneath her would open up and drag her down.
But then Zael’s lips were brushing against hers. She melted into him on a moan, her fangs tingling in her gums. His tongue teased the seam of her mouth, then slipped inside on her hushed sigh.