Brynne didn’t leave for London. It had only been an excuse, anyway. A flimsy one that Zael had seen right through—just as he’d seen through the rest of her attempts to wound him and push him away.
After her stinging end to the incredible time she’d spent naked with him in her bed, she had soaked for nearly half an hour under a scalding shower before sequestering herself in her guest room for most of the afternoon, feeling cowardly and petty.
The urge to run back home to London—to anywhere else—was strong. She felt weak from hunger and raw from heightened emotion. Neither of those things made her fit to be around other people, least of all the ones who meant something to her.
Not if she cared for their safety.
Not if she didn’t want to see horror and fear in the eyes of everyone who mattered to her.
Including Zael.
God, perhaps him most of all.
Her punishing shower and the hours of solitude afterward did little to assuage the bone-deep gnawing of her body’s worsening hunger. It also hadn’t lessened the disgust she felt for herself after the unfair way she’d treated the one man who had only shown her kindness and understanding since she met him.
Zael had a right to be angry with her after the cutting things she’d said.
Hell, he had a right to despise her now. Although if he did, it couldn’t be with any greater intensity than she despised herself.
That feeling only worsened when she finally left the safety of her self-imposed exile in her suite to venture down to the living areas.
Zael was in the large kitchen with Dylan and Rio, the scarred Breed warrior who was her mate. Their easy conversation drifted out to the hall as Brynne descended the rear staircase to the main floor below. Dammit. There was no escaping the inevitable now. To get anywhere else in the sprawling estate from where she stood, she first had to pass the kitchen.
Against her will, her gaze sought Zael out. There he was, lounging on one of the counter stools at the large center island, listening raptly to Dylan as she regaled him with a story about how she and Rio first met. Zael’s gaze was tender on his daughter, his smile so warm and affectionate, it made Brynne’s chest squeeze.
Despite her most vigilant effort, just the sight of him made her breath catch and her pulse kick into a higher tempo.
It took concentrated effort to simply step past the broad, arched entryway of the kitchen without pausing to apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. Nor did she have the nerve to glance at him and see if he might be aware of her too.
She had to stay strong where he was concerned. Zael had been putting cracks in the veneer of her self-control from the first moment he turned those unearthly blue eyes on her. If today’s slip in resolve was any indication, distance was the only way to avoid another mistake like the one she’d made by falling into bed with him.
If she wasn’t careful, it might not be only her resolve that crumbled around Zael, but her heart as well.
Telling herself it was a relief that he didn’t call out to her as she crisply walked by, Brynne headed for the foyer. She needed fresh air and space to think. Even more demanding, she needed to feed.
Her hunger was the one thing she could control in her life, but even that was dangerously close to snapping. She’d held it off for too long, and now it clawed at her with sharp talons, a beast gnashing at its leash.
If she needed a reminder of why relationships were impossible for her, this damned sure was it.
She was halfway across the foyer and headed for the front door when Tavia’s voice sounded from behind her. “Brynne. There you are.”
Given no choice, she pivoted to face her sister.
Tavia’s fine brows drew together over her shrewd light green eyes. “Were you able to get some rest this afternoon?”
“Um, rest?” Brynne felt her own frown crease her forehead, and at the same time a flush of heat threatened to fill her face. Oh, God. She would be mortified if her indiscretion with Zael was now public knowledge at the Order.
“I went to look for you after the meeting earlier today,” Tavia said. “Carys told me you’d gone up to your room. She thought you might need some undisturbed sleep after all you’ve been through these past couple of days.”
“Oh.” Brynne nodded, relief flooding her. “Yes, I did. Rest, I mean. Thank you.”
Tavia tilted her head. “Is everything okay? You don’t seem very rested. In fact, you look piqued.”
“I do?”
“Yes. You do.” She stared too long, too closely. “Brynne, when was the last time you fed?”