"It's just..." Her restless hands landed on a poofy bear that had spilled from the diaper bag. Her thumb stroked a silky patch, soft like Patrick's tiny hands. "He demands so little but needs so much from me. I want his life to be normal, except I know I have to face reality too. He has some practical needs beyond what other mothers expect from their babies for the first year."
"Like what?"
She hesitated. Would he try to be there for those too? The man already had stretched his time paper-thin with his own life.
"Julia?"
His tone left no room for argument, not that it really mattered. She knew well enough already that if she didn't tell him, he would find out anyway.
"Early intervention is important. Patrick's educational program calls for more than just talking myself hoarse to stimulate language. The appointments are mind-boggling, physical therapy, occupational therapy, along with the pediatric speech therapist. Zach, he probably won't walk until around twenty-four months. And then there's learning to talk, to feed himself, dress himself, so many milestones other parents expect to pass with ease."
Her thumb stroked comfort from the silky toy like a talisman. "This first year is crucial for helping Patrick reach his full potential."
She held up a hand to stop Zach from saying something that would launch her into another teary moment—and right back against that perfect chest.
"I know, Zach. I know. I'm really lucky."
He braced his forearm on the doorframe and leaned his head against it, sealing off the opening with his shoulders. Somehow he sealed off the rest of the world too until all she could see was Zach, his chest and those chocolate eyes that melted over her with warmth, comfort and damn it yes, excitement.
"Lady, from where I'm looking, you've had a helluva year," he drawled. "You've lost your husband. Had a baby alone. And now you have some very real concerns for your kid.
Nobody's going to think less of you if you want to scream down the whole neighborhood.
Definitely a helluva year."
A watery snort tripped free. "I've had better." She scrubbed her nose and wished for a pair of form-fitting jeans and a nose that didn't resemble a clown's. "I try to focus on the blessings, and there really are so many. Money's not an object. Even though the life insurance was eaten up with old debts, I still have a great job I enjoy. I can afford the best child care. And believe me, child care for a special-needs baby costs major bucks."
Julia hugged the bear to her stomach. "The thing is, I want to take care of it all myself. Is that so wrong? I want to be with him every step of the way this year, see and rejoice over every one of those milestones and somehow find time between all those appointments and work just to hold him."
A fresh spurt of frustration stabbed through her at Lance for leaving her behind, at the military for taking him when their baby needed him most. "Is it so wrong for me to want a few months more to hold my baby?"
Warm chocolate eyes darkened, deepening with a determination she'd come to recognize.
The commander had a plan of action. What should have been an impossible situation would work out because this man willed it so.
A part of her niggled, reminding her of hard-won independence, her resolve to be strong and fix her own problems. But time was running out. With her son's welfare in the balance, could she really afford to say no to whatever Zach suggested?
He ducked to eye level with Julia, clasping her hand in his as he pinned her to the seat with nothing more than the magnetism of his gaze and the power of his determination.
"Marry me."
Chapter 6
What the hell?
He'd planned to offer her a job as his girls' nanny so she could have more time with Patrick. Instead, a marriage proposal had fallen out of his mouth.
Now those words floated between them, and he found himself actually considering it. He couldn't pay enough for to maintain her house, and if she moved in as a full-nanny there would be talk. The base community was tight. Gossip would flow. The whole base had known he and Pam had split before she made it to the security gate.
How ironic people well-versed in keeping top-secret military intel couldn't hold onto a piece of gossip for more than thirty seconds.
No, he and Julia couldn't share a house without a ring and an official piece of paper. She would have those months with Patrick, and he could finish out his tour as commander without the roof caving.
"Marry me," Zach repeated, course set. His job never allowed him the luxury of time wasted wavering. Decision made. Move forward.
He waited for her reaction. Readied for battle by prep-ping his rebuttals. Thought through a dozen possible scenarios from Julia.
Except laughter.