"I just am. You know I've always wanted a big family since growing up alone with my uncle. We'll just start earlier."
"What if..." She pushed free words she'd never spoken aloud, barely allowed herself to think. "What if I gave it up for adoption? Would you think I'm an awful person for walking away from my child?"
His fingers wove through her hair, the gesture so gentle, so familiar, she could almost ignore the sound of the popping gunfire and shouts outside. "Is this about your mother?"
He knew her as well as she knew him. Too well. She didn't even bother answering.
His forehead fell to hers, bringing them nose-to-nose even though they couldn't see each other. "You don't always have to do the opposite of your mama just to be different from her. Giving up this baby for adoption to a good home is not the same as leaving your kids behind to run off with some rich guy. You are a good, strong woman. Whichever way you decide, you're going to make the right choice for the baby."
He wasn't going to tell her what to do. He just assumed she would make the right choice for her. For them. She wasn't Sydney, the absentminded dreamer. In Blake's eyes, she was a strong woman.
His words snuffled around inside her mind with reason and sense and healing. So often he'd told her she was his haven, his saving grace. She'd believed him, in fact embraced the role of herself as saving him just like one of her causes, determined not to be the dependent little girl who let her sister fight her battles.
Yet in doing so, she'd denied Blake his equal role, his contribution to the relationship. Finally, all the components of Sydney Hyatt came together within herself. It was okay to be saved, and she would be saving him right back. "I know it's not the same as her walking out. I know."
Now, thanks to Blake, she really believed it, too.
"That's my Sydney." He smiled against her skin, the smile even held for a minute before he turned serious again. "Just so we're clear here, if you change your mind either way, I still want to marry you. And I believe you want to marry me, too."
God, she couldn't lie to herself anymore. "I do. So much."
Relief rocked through him, rebounding into her with reassurance. His tight hold around her eased. "Well, hang on to that thought until we land and can find a preacher. Because I'm not holding off and letting you get some idea about waiting until after the baby's born. I want to be there with you through this. I need to be there with you. For you."
It was okay to save and be saved right back.
"You're not going to get any argument from me on that one." A giggle snuck up and free, her first in four months since she'd walked away from Blake. She laughed some. Cried some. Laughed again. Relaxed a little more against the hard wall of his chest.
His chin fell to rest on her head again. "I guess I need to know you're okay with who I am, too. With what I do."
Her laughter faded, but not the sense of security, an odd-as-hell sensation in the middle of a war zone. But true. As real as his arms around her.
"After what I've seen here, the lack of basic compassion for another human being...God, Blake, it would be so easy to lose our humanity. To rage and throw off civilization in the name of revenge. The fact that all of this sent you to dark places in your mind just means you're human. I should have been more worried if it didn't affect you. Now more than ever I realize how important it is to have people like you making decisions on how these operations unfold. People who won't lose their humanity or compassion when faced with inhumane acts."
"It isn't always this clear-cut-and-dried, Sydney, the rights and wrongs and how things play out for me."
And still he was trying to be fair with her. How could she have ever doubted this man's compassion? "Life often isn't fair, something I didn't understand before, either. So we meet somewhere in the middle?"
"I'm thinking that's the way it's supposed to work, the whole checks-and-balances idea." His broad palms bracketed her face. "I've learned my haven isn't a place with a white picket fence. It's you. Just as you are. I was trying to change the things about you that made you perfect for me all along."
Another explosion rocked outside, flashed light into the room. Illuminated Blake's face streaked with cammo paint. His golden blond hair darkened with sweat and dirt, his stubborn cowlick in place and undaunted by all the grime. She saw the warrior. She saw the man. And loved them both.
"Oh, God, I love you so much, Blake." The words fell free with a new ease and lightness.
"You know I love you, too."
Four months ago she'd been wrong to doubt the power of love. When faced with the worst the world could offer, love was everything. The most important thing. "It is enough."
"It has to be, because I can't live without you."
Her hand on the back of his neck, she gave a gentle nudge forward. Her consent. Slowly he leaned closer, brushed his mouth against hers. Careful. Cognizant and considerate of all she'd been through.
The kiss wasn't passionate or deep, but the familiar connection with Blake and spearmint warmed her cold soul. A flicker of something more tingled wonderfully through her. Just a flicker, and not anything she was ready to explore yet.
But so damned reassuring.
She would be okay. Not today, and probably not tomorrow, either, but someday. Because this man who had the patience and strength to crawl through tunnels and cobwebs to face hell could crawl into the dark place where she'd been taken and hold her hand all the way back.
"Alpha, this is Budweiser two-one." Jack updated via the radio from the cockpit while his C-17 circled the seized terrorist compound. "The aero-medical evacuation team is two miles out."