"Not at all." She'd slept beside him in bed while he read many a night.
Gulp.
Where was some crushed ice and a water pitcher when a woman needed them? "How long have I been out?"
J.T. flipped his wrist to check his watch, a gift from their daughter, complete with stopwatch and listings of multiple time zones for his flights. "Just an hour and forty minutes. Doc says to wake you up every couple of hours through the night. The nurse will check in, too."
Which gave them twenty more uninterrupted minutes to talk in the quiet intimacy of a bedroom that wasn't packed with memories. The hospital at least made for comforting neutral ground for their discussion. Might as well confront things straight up. "I'm sorry for not telling you about the baby sooner."
Guarded eyes almost hid nearly banked anger. He shifted, slow, silent, tucking the book in the thigh pocket of his flight suit. "Why didn't you?"
Why?
The truth blindsided her while her defenses were laid low from the accident. Because she'd wanted J.T. to come home on his own. For her. Something that, for the first time, she completely accepted would never happen.
The last of her dreams, hope, love died. There was nothing left for her now but to strengthen her resolve to protect her children and her heart. "I was still reeling from hearing you'd been shot down and whatever happened to you in Rubistan, trying to sort through what happened to us afterward. Pretty difficult to do with so little information from your end."
Rena's words sucker punched him. Leave it to his outspoken wife never to pull punches. She stared back at him defiantly, daring him to talk about Rubistan.
He didn't need to think about it, much less talk it out. He'd lived it. Dealt with what happened, and wanted to move on, not bring everything up again until the top of his head blew off. He'd walked away before rather than—
Ah, she was pushing him to walk now.
Not gonna happen. "I'm assuming the baby was conceived after my return then. You don't look far enough along to have gotten pregnant before we split."
Although, good God, Chris was right. She did have a slight bulge under the white sheet. How could he have missed it? She would be three months along. While carrying Chris, she'd been unable to button her pants by that stage.
Damn. He was a bonehead not to have noticed or even considered the possibility.
"Yes, it was that night. I missed a pill while you were gone. I was … upset. Days jumbled in my head."
Her pain from then radiated just as powerfully now. Pain he'd caused.
He needed to regroup. Now. He turned his back, reached for the water pitcher, pouring a cup for himself, another for Rena.
"J.T.? It was an accident."
"Of course it was." He jerked around to face her, passed her a water glass. "I never thought otherwise."
Did she really think so little of him that she expected recriminations? Jesus. He might have hurt her, but never like that.
Brown eyes wary, she took the cup from him without touching. "You are not moving home because of the baby. Let's get that straight right now. Our reasons for splitting still stand."
He leaned back against the wall, crossing one booted foot over the other. "What were those reasons again?"
"Don't be an ass."
"Ah, reason number one." He drank half the cup of water in one swallow, icy cold along heated anger.
She'd called him a major ass during their fight six months ago about the number-two strain on their marriage. Money.
"I'm sorry." Rena's voice softened. She rolled the cup between her palms. "My temper is right up there on the reason list. I drive you crazy. I know that."
"Oh yeah, babe—" a slow smile crept over his face "—you've definitely always driven me crazy."
Well, hell. So much for smart strategies. But the unstoppable spark between them always had messed with their minds. Apparently still did.
"J.T., damn it." She slammed her cup down on the end table beside a basket of flowers. "That's what got us into this mess before. And again now."