“Where As,” he read slowly, tracing the lettering with a hesitant finger, “It hathe Pleas-Sed the Der-Rer-Aa-Ger-the dragon, Ker-Ii-king of kings and Aa-Ber-Ess-Uh-Ler-” sweat beaded on the broad pink cliff of his forehead-“absolute, that is, Rer-Uh-Ler-Eh-Rer, ruler of-”
He lapsed into the tortured silence of academia, his fingertip jerking slowly down the parchment.
“No,” he said at last. “That's not right, is it? It's not going to eat someone?”
“Consume,” said the older guard.
“It's all part of the social. . . social contract,” said his assistant woodenly. “A small price to pay, I'm sure you will agree, for the safety and protection of the city.”
“From what?” said Nobby. “We've never had an enemy we couldn't bribe or corrupt.”
“Until now,” said Colon darkly.
“You catch on fast,” said the guard. “So you're going to broadcast it. On pain of pain.”
Carrot peered over Colon's shoulder.
“What's a virgin?” he said.
“An unmarried girl,” said Colon quickly.
“What, like my friend Reel?” said Carrot, horrified.
“Well, no,” said Colon.
“She's not married, you know. None of Mrs Palm's girls are married.”
“Well, yes,” said Colon.
“Well, then,” said Carrot, with an air of finality. “We're not having any of that kind of thing, I hope.”
“People won't stand for it,” said Colon. “You mark my words.”
The guards stepped back, out of range of Carrot's rising wrath.
“They can please themselves,” said the senior guard. “But if you don't proclaim it, you can try explaining things to His Majesty.”
They hurried off.
Nobby darted out into the street. “Dragon on your vest!” he shouted. “If your old mum knew about this she'd turn in her vat, you goin' around with a dragon on your vest!”
Colon wandered back to the table and spread out the scroll.
“Bad business,” he mumbled.
“It's already killed people,” said Carrot. “Contrary to sixteen separate Acts in Council.”
“Well, yes. But that was just like, you know, the hurly-burly of this and that,” said Colon. “Not that it wasn't bad, I mean, but people sort of participating, just handing over some slip of a girl and standing round watching as if it's all proper and legal, that's much worse.”
“I reckon it all depends on your point of view,” said Nobby thoughtfully.
“What d'you mean?”
“Well, from the point of view of someone being burned alive, it probably doesn't matter much,” said Nobby philosophically.
“People won't stand for it, I said,” said Colon, ignoring this. “You'll see. They'll march on the palace, and what will the dragon do then, eh?”
“Burn 'em all,” said Nobby promptly.