'Er, I'm not sure that's a very good-'
'Don't worry. I'll be right back,' said Gaspode, and padded out.
'It might be a bit difficult to explain-' Victor called after him, but the dog was down the stairs and ambling along through the maze of backlots and alleys to the rear of Century of the Fruitbat.
He shuffled up to the high fence. There was the gentle clink of a chain.
'Laddie?' he whispered hoarsely.
There was a delighted bark.
'Good boy Laddie!'
'Yeah,' said Gaspode. 'Yeah.' He sighed. Had he ever been like that? If he had, thank goodness he hadn't known about it.
'Me good boy!'
'Sure, sure. Laddie be quiet,' muttered Gaspode, and squeezed his arthritic body under the fence. Laddie licked his face as he emerged.
'I'm too old for this sort of stuff,' he muttered, and peered at the kennel.
'A choke chain,' he said. 'A bloody choke chain. Stop pulling on it, you daft idiot. Back up. Back up. Right.'
Gaspode shoved a paw into the loop and eased it over Laddie's head.
'There,' he said. 'If we all knew how to do that, we'd be runnin' the world. Now stop kiddin' around. We need you.'
Laddie sprang to tongue-lolling attention. If dogs could salute, he would have done.
Gaspode wriggled under the fence again, and waited. He could hear Laddie's footsteps the other side, but the big dog seemed to be padding away from the fence.
'No!' hissed Gaspode. 'Follow me!'
There was a scurry of paws, a swishing noise, and Laddie cleared the high fence and did a four-point landing in front of him.
Gaspode unpeeled his tongue from the back of his throat.
'Good boy,' he muttered. 'Good boy.'
Victor sat up, rubbing his head.
'I caught myself aright crack when the chair fell backwards,' he said.
Laddie sat looking expectantly, with the remains of the sheet in his mouth.
'What's he waiting for?' said Victor.
'You've got to tell him he's a good boy,' sighed Gaspode.
'Doesn't he expect some meat or a sweet or something?'
Gaspode shook his head. 'Jus' tell him what a good boy he is. It's better'n hard currency, for dogs.'
'Oh? Well, then: good boy, Laddie.'
Laddie bounced up and down excitedly. Gaspode swore under his breath.
'Sorry about this,' he said. 'Pathetic, isn't it?'