Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'It's the law. Never been repealed,' said Carrot.

'We've never had a militia! Never needed one!'

'Until now, I think.'

'Now look here,' said Muldoon, 'you come back with me to the Palace. You're men of the Watch—'

'And we're going to defend the city,' said Carrot.

People were streaming past the Watch House. Carrot stopped a couple by the simple expedient of sticking out his hand.

'Mr Poppley, isn't it?' he said. 'How's the grocery business? Hello, Mrs Poppley.'

'Ain't you heard?' said the flustered man. 'The trolls have set fire to the Palace!'

He followed Carrot's gaze up Broad Way, to where the Palace stood squat and dark in the early evening light. Ungovernable flames failed to billow from every window.

'My word,' said Carrot.

'And there's dwarfs breaking windows and everything!' said the grocer. 'A dog's not safe!'

'You can't trust 'em,' said Cuddy.

The grocer stared at him. 'Are you a dwarf?' he said.

Amazing! How do people do it,' said Cuddy.

'Well, I'm off! I'm not stopping to see Mrs Poppley ravished by the little devils! You know what they say about dwarfs!'

The Watch watched the couple head off into the crowd again.

'Well, ,' don't,' said Cuddy, to no-one in particular. 'What is it they say about dwarfs?'

Carrot fielded a man pushing a barrow.

'Would you mind telling me what's going on, sir?' he said.

'And do you know what it is they say about dwarfs?' said a voice behind him.

'That's not a sir, that's Throat,' said Colon. And will you look at the colour of him!'

'Should he be all shiny like that?' said Detritus.

'Feeling fine! Feeling fine!' said Dibbler. 'Hah! So much for people importuning the standard of my merchandise!'

'What's happening, Throat?' said Colon.

'They say—' Dibbler began, green in the face.

'Who says?' said Carrot.

'They say,' said Dibbler. 'You know. They. Everyone. They say the trolls have killed someone up at Dolly Sisters and the dwarfs have smashed up Chalky the troll's all-night pottery and they've broken down the Brass Bridge and—'

Carrot looked up the road.

'You just came over the Brass Bridge,' he said.

'Yeah, well . . . that's what they say,' said Dibbler.