All the trolls listened intently. Stronginthearm realized that he was suddenly the centre of attention, and hesitated.
'Well . . . you've only got the one dwarf, for one thing . . .' he began.
'I'm a dwarf,' said Carrot, 'technically.'
Stronginthearm looked a little nervous. The whole issue of Carrot's keenly embraced dwarfishness was a difficult one for the more politically minded dwarfs.
'You're a bit big,' he said lamely.
'Big? What's size got to do with being a dwarf?' Carrot demanded.
'Um . . . a lot?' whispered Cuddy.
'Good point,' said Carrot. 'That's a good point.' He scanned the faces. 'Right. We need some honest, law-abiding dwarfs . . . you there . . .'
'Me?' said an unwary dwarf.
'Have you got any previous convictions?'
'Well, I dunno . . . I suppose I used to believe very firmly that a penny saved is a penny earned—'
'Good. And I'll take . . . you two . . . and you. Four more dwarfs, yes? Can't complain about that, eh?'
'Ain't gonna be inna Watch,' said Bauxite again, but uncertainty modulated his tone.
'You trolls can't leave now,' said Detritus. 'Otherwise, too many dwarfs. That's numbers, that is.'
'I'm not joining any Watch!' said a dwarf.
'Not man enough, eh?' said Cuddy.
'What? I'm as good as any bloody troll any day!'
'Right, that's sorted out then,' said Carrot, rubbing his hands together. 'Acting-Constable Cuddy?'
'Sir?'
'Hey,' said Detritus, 'how come he suddenly full constable?'
'Since he was in charge of the dwarf recruits,' said Carrot. 'And you're in charge of the troll recruits, Acting-Constable Detritus.'
'I full acting-constable in charge of the troll recruits?'
'Of course. Now, if you would step out of the way, Lance-Constable Bauxite—'
Behind Carrot, Detritus drew a big proud breath.
'Ain't gonna—'
'Lance-Constable Bauxite! You horrible big troll! You standing up straight! You saluting right now! You stepping out of the way of Corporal Carrot! You two troll, you come here! Wurn . . . two-er . . . tree . . . four-er! You in the Watch now! Aaargh, I cannot believe it what my eye it seeing! Where you from, Bauxite?'
'Slice Mountain, but—'
'Slice Mountain! Slice Mountain? Only . . .' Detritus looked at his fingers for a moment, and rammed them behind his back. 'Only two-er things come from Slice Mountain! Rocks . . . an' . . . an' . . .' he struck out wildly, 'other sortsa rocks! What kind you, Bauxite?'
'What the hell's going on here?'
The Watch House door had opened. Captain Quirke emerged, sword in hand.