Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'Never see anything like that,' said Colon.

'Hadn't someone better go and tell Mrs Hammer-hock?' said Angua.

'Captain Vimes is doing it,' said Carrot. 'He said he wouldn't ask anyone else to do it.'

'Rather him than me,' said Colon fervently. 'I wouldn't do that for a big clock. They can be fearsome when they're angry, those little buggers.'

Everyone nodded gloomily, including the little bugger and the bigger little bugger by adoption.

They stared at the drinks. They drank the drinks.

'Shouldn't we be finding out who did it?' said Angua.

'Why?' said Nobby.

She opened and shut her mouth once or twice, and finally came out with: 'In case they do it again?'

'It wasn't an assassination, was it?' said Cuddy.

'No,' said Carrot. 'They always leave a note. By law.'

They looked at the drinks. They drank the drinks.

'What a city,' said Angua.

'It all works, that's the funny thing,' said Carrot. 'D'you know, when I first joined the Watch I was so simple I arrested the head of the Thieves' Guild for thieving?'

'Sounds good to me,' said Angua.

'Got into a bit of trouble for that,' said Carrot.

'You see,' said Colon, 'thieves are organized here. I mean, it's official. They're allowed a certain amount of thieving. Not that they do much these days, mind you. If you pay them a little premium every year they give you a card and leave you alone. Saves time and effort all round.'

'And all thieves are members?' said Angua.

'Oh, yes,' said Carrot. 'Can't go thieving in Ankh-Morpork without a Guild permit. Not unless you've got a special talent.'

'Why? What happens? What talent?' she said.

'Well, like being able to survive being hung upside down from one of the gates with your ears nailed to your knees,' said Carrot.

Then Angua said: 'That's terrible.'

'Yes, I know. But the thing is,' said Carrot, 'the thing is: it works. The whole thing. Guilds and organized crimes and everything. It all seems to work.'

'Didn't work for Mr Hammerhock,' said Sergeant Colon.

They looked at their drinks. Very slowly, like a mighty sequoia beginning the first step towards resurrection as a million Save The Trees leaflets, Detritus toppled backwards with his mug still in his hand. Apart from the 90° change in position, he didn't move a muscle.

'It's the sulphur,' said Cuddy, without looking around. 'It goes right to their heads.'

Carrot thumped his fist on the bar.

'We ought to do something!'

'We could nick his boots,' said Nobby.

'I mean about Mr Hammerhock.'