' 'scuse me,' said Nanny. 'What did you say your uncle died of?'
'Buffaloeth,' said Igor, unlocking another door.
'He broke out in them?'
'A herd fell on him. A freak acthident. We don't talk about it.'
'Sorry, are you telling us you do surgery on yourself?' said Magrat.
'It'th not hard when you know what you're doing. Thometimeth you need a mirror, of courth, and it helpth if thomeone can put a finger on the knotth.'
'Isn't it painful?'
'Oh, no, I alwayth tell them to take it away jutht before I pull the thtring tight.'
The door creaked open. It was a long, tortured, groaning noise: In fact there was more creak than door, and it went on just a few seconds after the door had stopped.
'That sounds dreadful,' said Nanny.
'Thank you. It took dayth to get right. Creakth like that don't jutht happen by themthelveth.'
There was a woof from the darkness and something leapt at Igor, knocking him off his feet.
'Get off, you big thoppy!'
It was a dog. Or several dogs rolled, as it were, into one. There were four legs, and they were nearly all the same length although not, Magrat noted, all the same colour. There was one head, although the left ear was black and pointed while the right ear was brown and white and flopped. It was a very enthusiastic animal in the department of slobber.
'Thith ith Thcrapth,' said Igor, fighting to get to his feet in a hail of excited paws. 'He'th a thilly old thing.'
'Scraps... yes,' said Nanny. 'Good name. Good name.'
'He'th theventy-eight yearth old,' said Igor , leading the way down a winding staircase. 'Thome of him.'
'Very neat stitching,' said Magrat. 'He looks well on it, too. Happy as a dog with two- Oh, I see he does have two...'
'I had one thpare,' said Igor, leading the way with Scraps bounding along beside him. 'I thought, he'th tho happy with one, jutht think of the fun he could have with two...'
Nanny Ogg's mouth didn't even get half open
'Don't you even think of saying anything, Gytha Ogg!' snapped Magrat.
'Me?' said Nanny innocently.
'Yes! And you were. I could see you! You know he was talking about tails, not... anything else.'
'Oh, I thought about that long ago,' said Igor. 'It'th obviouth. Thaveth wear and tear, pluth you can uthe one while you're replathing the other. I ecthperimented on mythelf.'
Their footsteps echoed on the stairs.
'Now, what are we talking about here, exactly?' said Nanny, in a quiet, I'm-only-asking-out-of-interest tone of voice.
'Heartth,' said Igor.
'Oh, two hearts. You've got two hearts?'
'Yeth. The other one belonged to poor Mr Thwinetth down at the thawmill, but hith wife thed it wath no uthe to him after the acthident, what with him not having a head to go with it.'
'You're a bit of a self-made man on the quiet, aren't you?' said Magrat.