'And his dog's all right,' said Mr Mackleduff. William wanted to shake the man for reading so slowly.
'That's nice,' said Mrs Arcanum, pouring out the tea.
'Is that it?' said William.
'Oh, there's a lot of political stuff,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'It's all a bit far-fetched.'
'Any good vegetables today?' said Mr Cartwright.
Mr Mackleduff carefully inspected the other pages.
'No,' he said.
'My firm are thinking of approaching that man to see if he'd let us sell his seeds for him,' Mr Cartwright went on. 'It's just the sort of thing people like,' He caught Mrs Arcanum's eye. 'Only those vegetables suitable for a family environment, of course,' he added quickly.
'Aye, it does you good to laugh,' said Mr Mackleduff solemnly.
It crossed William's mind to wonder if Mr Wintler could grow an obscene pea. But of course he could.
'I would have thought it's quite important,' he said, 'if Lord Vetinari isn't guilty,'
'Oh, yes, I daresay, to them as has to deal with these things,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'I don't quite see where we come into it, though.'
'But surely--' William began.
Mrs Arcanum patted her hair. 'I've always thought Lord Vetinari was a most handsome man,' she said, and then looked flustered when they all stared at her. 'I meant, I'm just a little surprised there isn't a Lady Vetinari. As it were. Ahem.'
'Oh well, you know what they say,' said Mr Windling.
A pair of arms shot out across the table, grabbed the surprised man by the lapels and pulled him up so that his face was a few inches from William's.
7 don't know what they say, Mr Windling!' he shouted. 'But you know what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us who told you, Mr Windling?'
'Mr de Worde! Really!' said Mrs Arcanum. Mr Prone pulled the toast out of the way.
I'm very sorry about this, Mrs Arcanum,' said William, still holding the struggling man, 'but I want to know what everyone knows and I want to know how they know it. Mr Windling?'
They say he's got some sort of a lady friend who's very important in Uberwald,' said Mr Windling. 'And I'll thank you to let go of me!'
'And that's it? What's so sinister about that? It's a friendly country!'
'Yes, but, yes, but they say--'
William let go. Windling rocked back into his chair, but William stayed standing, breathing heavily.
'Well, I wrote the article in the TimesV he snapped. 'And what's in there is what ,' say! Me! Because I found things out, and checked things, and people who say "ing" a lot tried to kill me! I'm not the man that's the brother of some man you met in the pub! I'm not some stupid rumour put about to make trouble! So just remember that, before you try any of that "everyone knows" stuff! And in an hour or so I've got to go up to the palace and see Commander Vimes and whoever is the Patrician and a lot of other people, to get this whole thing sorted out! And it's not going to be very nice, but I'm going to have to do it, because I wanted you to know things that are important. Sorry about the teapot, Mrs Arcanum, I'm sure it can be mended.'
In the ensuing silence Mr Prone picked up the paper and said: 'You write this?'
'Yes!'
'I... er... I thought they had special people...'
All heads turned back to William.
There isn't a they. There's just me and a young lady. We write it all!' 'But... who tells you what to put in?' The heads turned back to William. 'We just... decide.'
'Er... is it true about big silver discs kidnapping people?' 'No!'