Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"My brother's in there."

"Nice safe place for him, then."

"He might be injured. I vote for the Keep."

"Vote?" said Jackrum. "My word, that's a new one. Voting in the army? Who wants to get killed, lads, let's have a show of hands? Knock it off, Perks."

"I'm going to try it, sarge!"

"You are not!"

"Try and stop me!" The words came out before she could stop them. And that's it, she thought, the shout heard round the world. No going back after this. I've run off the edge of the cliff and it's all downhill from here.

Jackrum's expression stayed blank for a second or two, and then he said, "Anyone else voting for the Keep?"

Polly looked at Shufti, who blushed.

But:

"We are," said Tonker. Beside her, Lofty struck a match, and held it so that it flared. That was pretty much a speech from Lofty.

"Why, pray?" said Jackrum.

"We don't want to sit around in a swamp," said Tonker. "And we don't like being ordered about."

"Should have thought of that before you joined an army, lad!"

"We aren't lads, sarge."

"You are if I says you are!"

Well, it's not as though I wasn't expecting it, Polly thought. I've played this out enough times in my head. Here goes...

"All right, sarge," she said. "It's time to have it out, here and now."

"Ooo, er," said Jackrum theatrically, fishing his screwed-up paper of tobacco out of his pocket.

"What?"

Jackrum sat down on the remains of a wall. "Just injecting a little sauciness into the conversation," he said. "Carry on, Perks. Have your say. I thought it'd come to this."

"You know I'm a woman, sarge," said Polly.

"Yup. I wouldn't trust you to shave cheese."

The squad stared. Jackrum opened his big knife and examined the chewing tobacco as though it was the most interesting thing present.

"So... er... what are you going to do about it?" said Polly, feeling derailed.

"Dunno. Can't do anything, can I? You were born like it."

"You didn't tell Blouse!" said Polly.

"Nope."

Polly wanted to knock the wretched tobacco out of the sergeant's hand. Now that she had got over the surprise, there was something offensive about this lack of reaction. It was like someone opening a door just before your battering ram hit it; suddenly you were running through the building and not certain how to stop.

"Well, we're all women, sarge," said Tonker. "How about that?"